Nice try, but maybe find an option that isn't engaged!

I was going to summarize this story, but she tells it so well, I nearly peed my pants laughing. I present to you the email I received this morning, in it's entirety. I've edited for grammar and consistency, because I can't stand bad grammar, (I'm sorry, I can deal with long sentences, but grammar and tense are essential), but my comments are in blue italics. I guess I should say she's my guest blogger today?

Backstory: Cara, as many know, is probably the most complimentary person ever. She just always has the most super-flattering stuff to say about people, almost to where you're embarrassed, and is very convincing when she tries to set people up. But it's nice, because she really means it - and hey, when you hear a freaking knockout herself say that you look pretty, you're thinking "heeeeeelll yeah I like this girl". BUT. She's...shall we say...a bit fiesty. And probably the only person ever who's more stubborn than me. Oh well, I guess this is what I get for the antics I've pulled over the years.

On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 6:22 AM, Cara K****y  wrote:

Ummmmmmm
So...Dave and I got in this big fight before going to a cocktail party for his work last night, the fight was because he's going out of town this weekend. I wouldn't talk to him for a while, so when I got there I got a big drink and went in the lobby to go call you back to see if you want to go somewhere for Labor Day instead.

-the weird thing is that we've ALREADY had this conversation, about what I'm doing for labor day.

You didn't answer.
I got another drink.
Called again.
You didn't answer.
I got another drink.
Called again and you finally pick up.
Hello I'm drunk.

-no sh*t, you're drunk. I've checked my phone, all calls were received in about 20 minutes. That was a fast three or four drinks.

C: Molly whatcha doin for labor day
M: I think I'm just hanging here, doing a lot of nothing.
C: WHAT?
M: YES!
-yes, I was being sarcastic.
C:what are you doing then?
M: working, doing nothing.
C: no fun? no party?
M: Nah probably not.
C: Honey no, you are my urban citygirl who needs to go be Carrie Bradshaw and go find fabulous men and come back with stories.
-the other odd thing is, most of my Carrie Bradshaw moments have actually been WITH her...and really, I'm okay, I'd think that Carrie's life would absolutely exhaust me.
M: I'd love to, but Carrie has a lot more money than me. As for fabulous men...I can't get freaking arrested, remember?
-For the record, I am tired of this conversation, it comes up all too often lately.
C:I'monna fix that.
M:Oh, ok! yeah sure.
-again, sarcasm.
C: FINE. If I find you a date, you owe me your black nicole miller dress.
-ha! Which one?
M: Actually, I've already told anyone who wants to do this - you set me up, it works out for longer than six months, and I will pay you one thousand dollars.
C: I gotta go.
-Yet another conversation we've had before. I don't have $1,000 to give anyone, for the record. It was more in jest that I said the whole thing.

So I still hated Dave at this point. I was still in the lobby and I decided to go smoke
-know how everyone knows someone that "only smokes when they drink"? She only smokes when she's obliterated.
and I saw Ben, that guy that you had a class with in college,
-I didn't have class with him in college, I met him randomly in grad school, not college, and I seriously have spoken with the fella for a total of 30 seconds my entire life.
and I cornered him and played yenta for a whole hour.
-Oh no....
"BEN you HAVE to go out with her. She's smart and fun and low-maintenance
-HA! Low maintenance my ASS. I may be "laid-back" and don't tend to do much since I work from home, but if I need to get pretty...y'all know how long it might take...
and looks like cameron diaz and that girl from buffy"...all that stuff.
-Really, don't see it on either, but since Caroline Holbrook says Cameron as well, I'll take it...
Meanwhile I'm way too loud
-again, no shit...
and still way drunk
-ditto...
I would not let the guy go for an HOUR. He declined and I've now been told that I got mad at him for declining my invite to date my Molly. Dave finally tells me "Car, he has a FIANCEE."
....oh yeah. That's who that pretty girl who's been standing nearby giving me a death look for an hour is. Dave says "okay time to go Yenta"...
-Ben, I am sorry, I did not ask her to do this. Please give my regards to your lovely fiancee.

You think he'll ask me to go to a cocktail party again?
-That's a negative, Ghostrider.