Screaming bloody murder

Yep, that's what it sounded like today.

I spent most of the day doing actual PAID work, some technical writing. It leaves a lot to be desired, and I kinda feel bad for this generation's English majors - a lot of them intended to be Carrie Bradshaw or Bob Woodward or Stephen King - and instead, they're finding themselves writing instruction manuals for products they know nothing about. But at any rate, I was exhausted when I was done, as my eyes hurt from reading technical specifications. I laid on my couch for a minute, just resting my eyes while I waited for my Adobe programs to load - I had website work to do.

I felt something brush my arm, and, thinking it might be a bug, I swatted it. It was a mouse.

And I screamed bloody murder.

I'm not one who is afraid of mice - I'm only really afraid of trains, the dark, heights and falling down and breaking my teeth. Long story on that last one. I'm not afraid of mice. I just hate them. They carry disease, they leave poop all over the place, and they make noises. I hate them. Since I've lived in Philly, however, we've learned that they're just part of life. It's an old house, with lots of holes, and quite honestly, they've been here longer than I have.

But they're not paying mouse-rent, and unless Stuart Little writes me a mouse-check, I'm waging mouse-war on his mouse-ass. It's a little like the war on drugs or the war on terror, however. We're just never going to know whether we've won, and our only victories are where we're constantly still on alert. We hide food, we take out the trash EVERY day, all of the cereal is in tupperware containers, we've tried glue traps, clamshell traps, wood traps, mouse bait, mouse poison, and just about everything anyone sells. The only thing we haven't tried is a cat, because I'm allergic and Melissa hates cats almost more than I hate mice.

All I know is this mouse, for lack of a better word, is BALLSY. He runs right in front of us, whereas most usually are scared of any human noise. He's not only unlawfully squatting, chewing through gladware and plastic bags, he's taunting us. HE CLIMBED ON ME.

I went across the street and immediately bought MORE traps. Because maybe they'll just fall into one. I checked the old ones and discovered that not only were they empty of mice, the mice had STOLEN the bait off the traps. Without setting them off. I bought mouse attractant, which supposedly works better than peanut butter or cheese and is poisonous to them.

Anyone have any ideas?