Epi-Pen Kozies - the Pocket Protector of a New Generation of Nerds.

I was sent something similar to the Epi-pen cases featured here today by a woman who makes things like these and sells them in her etsy or etsy-like store. I'm not going to say who she is, because I really have no use for it. Well, I do have a use for it, I have a lovely Epi-Pen, but it kind of just floats in my purse or in my travel bag. Now maybe I'm risking my life/health by not having it clipped to my waist or belt, but I gotta say...

I'd rather risk my throat swell up than do this. They do look like the geekiest things I have EVER seen.

Nice try, but maybe find an option that isn't engaged!

I was going to summarize this story, but she tells it so well, I nearly peed my pants laughing. I present to you the email I received this morning, in it's entirety. I've edited for grammar and consistency, because I can't stand bad grammar, (I'm sorry, I can deal with long sentences, but grammar and tense are essential), but my comments are in blue italics. I guess I should say she's my guest blogger today?

Backstory: Cara, as many know, is probably the most complimentary person ever. She just always has the most super-flattering stuff to say about people, almost to where you're embarrassed, and is very convincing when she tries to set people up. But it's nice, because she really means it - and hey, when you hear a freaking knockout herself say that you look pretty, you're thinking "heeeeeelll yeah I like this girl". BUT. She's...shall we say...a bit fiesty. And probably the only person ever who's more stubborn than me. Oh well, I guess this is what I get for the antics I've pulled over the years.

On Wed, Aug 27, 2008 at 6:22 AM, Cara K****y  wrote:

Ummmmmmm
So...Dave and I got in this big fight before going to a cocktail party for his work last night, the fight was because he's going out of town this weekend. I wouldn't talk to him for a while, so when I got there I got a big drink and went in the lobby to go call you back to see if you want to go somewhere for Labor Day instead.

-the weird thing is that we've ALREADY had this conversation, about what I'm doing for labor day.

You didn't answer.
I got another drink.
Called again.
You didn't answer.
I got another drink.
Called again and you finally pick up.
Hello I'm drunk.

-no sh*t, you're drunk. I've checked my phone, all calls were received in about 20 minutes. That was a fast three or four drinks.

C: Molly whatcha doin for labor day
M: I think I'm just hanging here, doing a lot of nothing.
C: WHAT?
M: YES!
-yes, I was being sarcastic.
C:what are you doing then?
M: working, doing nothing.
C: no fun? no party?
M: Nah probably not.
C: Honey no, you are my urban citygirl who needs to go be Carrie Bradshaw and go find fabulous men and come back with stories.
-the other odd thing is, most of my Carrie Bradshaw moments have actually been WITH her...and really, I'm okay, I'd think that Carrie's life would absolutely exhaust me.
M: I'd love to, but Carrie has a lot more money than me. As for fabulous men...I can't get freaking arrested, remember?
-For the record, I am tired of this conversation, it comes up all too often lately.
C:I'monna fix that.
M:Oh, ok! yeah sure.
-again, sarcasm.
C: FINE. If I find you a date, you owe me your black nicole miller dress.
-ha! Which one?
M: Actually, I've already told anyone who wants to do this - you set me up, it works out for longer than six months, and I will pay you one thousand dollars.
C: I gotta go.
-Yet another conversation we've had before. I don't have $1,000 to give anyone, for the record. It was more in jest that I said the whole thing.

So I still hated Dave at this point. I was still in the lobby and I decided to go smoke
-know how everyone knows someone that "only smokes when they drink"? She only smokes when she's obliterated.
and I saw Ben, that guy that you had a class with in college,
-I didn't have class with him in college, I met him randomly in grad school, not college, and I seriously have spoken with the fella for a total of 30 seconds my entire life.
and I cornered him and played yenta for a whole hour.
-Oh no....
"BEN you HAVE to go out with her. She's smart and fun and low-maintenance
-HA! Low maintenance my ASS. I may be "laid-back" and don't tend to do much since I work from home, but if I need to get pretty...y'all know how long it might take...
and looks like cameron diaz and that girl from buffy"...all that stuff.
-Really, don't see it on either, but since Caroline Holbrook says Cameron as well, I'll take it...
Meanwhile I'm way too loud
-again, no shit...
and still way drunk
-ditto...
I would not let the guy go for an HOUR. He declined and I've now been told that I got mad at him for declining my invite to date my Molly. Dave finally tells me "Car, he has a FIANCEE."
....oh yeah. That's who that pretty girl who's been standing nearby giving me a death look for an hour is. Dave says "okay time to go Yenta"...
-Ben, I am sorry, I did not ask her to do this. Please give my regards to your lovely fiancee.

You think he'll ask me to go to a cocktail party again?
-That's a negative, Ghostrider.

Sad news...

I feel like deaths seem to come in waves. People say threes, but in my experience sometimes it's threes, sometimes it's seventeens. Well, maybe not deaths overall - because, let's be honest, everyone dies -but maybe sudden deaths. I didn't know him, but a friend of a friend of mine died in a rather tragic manner, he was surfing over at Stone Harbor/Avalon when he had a heart attack, at least from what the article I read said - AT THE AGE OF 32. Really scary. My friend is obviously really distraught over it, and I just feel horrible for him, I know what it's like to lose a friend so suddenly. Sometimes you get to crying over little things and then sometimes your mind plays tricks on you and you feel like they just went on vacation, that they'll return your call. Then you wake up and realize they're not going to show up, and it happens all over again. I feel like I did it with my cousin Laura forever - I'd go to send out an email and consciously want to include her on a CC. I'd scroll through my phone and see her name and tell myself there was a reason to still keep the number in my phone. I kept that number in for at least three years, then when I lost my phone I got upset because I didn't have the number written down. It's amazing how the little things get to you when someone dies so young and so suddenly.

I also got an email today from someone I went to UGA with that really kind of hit me hard - those of you that were in the art program may remember Bill Marriott, a great professor who taught Painting and Drawing...I learned SO much about creativity in his class. I was really saddened to learn that he died in a fire at his house in Athens just yesterday. He had retired a few years ago, but what I remembered most is the fact that while he really pushed every single one of his students, every compliment he gave you was genuine and hit the nail on the head. You lived for his compliments, because you really felt talented when he gave them. His classes were easily some of the best education I ever received, but he made every class FUN. I had him for drawing and remember saying that I'd take that same class over and over again if I had to, everything just clicked and everyone felt like THAT CLASS was the reason they were willing to take that tough road down the Lamar Dodd School of Art. He knew - KNEW - great art, and I wouldn't doubt it if one of Athens' greatest art collections went up in the fire as well. I remember running into him on campus, and he asked me why I wasn't around the art school anymore. I told him that I had changed majors, and I'll never forget the look on his face, I felt so horrible about it. He encouraged me to come back, and offered his help if I was worried about portfolio review. I still wish I had done so. When I left the corporate world, I kind of wanted to track him and a few other professors down, but never quite got around to it. Man, Athens just isn't the same.

Censorship quote of the day...

"Thoughts do not cease to exist simply because one can force others to conceal evidence of their existence."

-Dwight D. Eisenhower

A list for my ladies in Charlotte...

TO the ladies at GIRLS WEEKEND....

1. I am jealous.

2. I ate at a Soul Food restaurant tonight in your honor (it was very southern, almost like Charlie Williams Lodge or something)

3. I am going out for many beers. I have had a really hard couple of days. Please call me when you are drunk and/or having fun.

4. Since one of you is pregnant, I'm guessing you're at least one quarter sober. What are you doing? I want to know.

5. I ate way too much fried chicken.

6. Love you.

So Lynchburg's out.

Seriously.

Long story ending with the fact that there's a _______________. (removed. Stay tuned.)

Suggestions?

I'm dying to know - how do I poop in space?

The weird part is that I've realized that it undoubtedly took some incredibly talented and gifted Aerospace Engineer his entire career to design this.

When singledom sucks...

It's 12:30, and I'm sitting in bed with the laptop. I can't get to sleep, despite being beyond exhausted, and even though it hurts to look at the screen, here I am. I'm simply overcome by the boredom of staring at the insides of my eyelids and listening to the soothing sounds of two grocery stores restocking and receiving shipments, three crackheads hassling people for money beyond 11th Street, two gay men being harassed by a couple of drunk salt-of-the-earth South Philly Eagles fans, one wino (no, not a crackhead, there's a difference, I've picked it up) sounding extremely angry as he loudly yells to himself, and the repo trucks cruising for the latest indirect consequence of the mortgage-lending crisis.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

Only in Philly.

That's not why I put that title on the post, though. I put it there because for the past four hours, I have had the worst headache of my entire life. I thought I had experienced a migraine before in my life, but this...this has convinced me that previously, I wasn't even to the level of Tylenol. Right now, Tylenol wouldn't even touch the pain in my hand, which has come about purely from squeezing my head in the hopes that the pulsing pain might subside. I've spent the past four hours wondering if I still have any of the good stuff left over from my surgery last October, but I'm SOL.

About an hour into this seismic condition in my brain, you know what I wanted? Ice cream. French fries. A frosty. Actually, I just wanted sympathy and attention, I'll admit, but unless I got up and walked across the street for ice cream, walked to Wendy's for a frosty or up to 12th for fries, I was getting none of it. That's kind of the difficult thing about being single sometimes - the exact thing that you cherish about your life - the independence, the self-reliance, the daring confindence that you can handle what comes your way - can just as easily turn around and be the exact thing that bites you in the keester. Coincidentally, it's probably the very paradox that exhausted moms seem to say as well - even though spending time with their kids is the most rewarding thing they can ever think of to do, sometimes it still sucks to be falling asleep during a meeting because they've only had two hours of sleep the night before.

I don't think ice cream or fries would have cured this - indeed, I would venture to say that a sledgehammer is the only viable cure right now - but sometimes, we all just want to be Patty Patient, and despite the possibility that Betty Friedan herself may roll over in her grave for my saying this, we just want someone to take care of us.

Now that I've waxed poetic, my head is still in an unimaginable amount of pain. So to any and all good-looking Philadelphia men who might have the soothing gene, a frosty or vicodin...call me Patty.

Dear Advertising Creative Directors:

So you like Sia's "Breathe Me". I did too. I liked it when I heard the song in 2006, when it came out. I liked it on the end of "Six Feet Under", and I even liked it when I heard it on the Penn Hospital commercial.



You like it. I get it. It's in the Coke commercial, two different movie trailers, a promo for the show "Intervention", the Olympics promos...oh, the list goes on.

Kind of sad that she's forever going to be known as "the girl who has the song in the coca-cola commercial", when she's actually got a really good catalog of music.

Screaming bloody murder

Yep, that's what it sounded like today.

I spent most of the day doing actual PAID work, some technical writing. It leaves a lot to be desired, and I kinda feel bad for this generation's English majors - a lot of them intended to be Carrie Bradshaw or Bob Woodward or Stephen King - and instead, they're finding themselves writing instruction manuals for products they know nothing about. But at any rate, I was exhausted when I was done, as my eyes hurt from reading technical specifications. I laid on my couch for a minute, just resting my eyes while I waited for my Adobe programs to load - I had website work to do.

I felt something brush my arm, and, thinking it might be a bug, I swatted it. It was a mouse.

And I screamed bloody murder.

I'm not one who is afraid of mice - I'm only really afraid of trains, the dark, heights and falling down and breaking my teeth. Long story on that last one. I'm not afraid of mice. I just hate them. They carry disease, they leave poop all over the place, and they make noises. I hate them. Since I've lived in Philly, however, we've learned that they're just part of life. It's an old house, with lots of holes, and quite honestly, they've been here longer than I have.

But they're not paying mouse-rent, and unless Stuart Little writes me a mouse-check, I'm waging mouse-war on his mouse-ass. It's a little like the war on drugs or the war on terror, however. We're just never going to know whether we've won, and our only victories are where we're constantly still on alert. We hide food, we take out the trash EVERY day, all of the cereal is in tupperware containers, we've tried glue traps, clamshell traps, wood traps, mouse bait, mouse poison, and just about everything anyone sells. The only thing we haven't tried is a cat, because I'm allergic and Melissa hates cats almost more than I hate mice.

All I know is this mouse, for lack of a better word, is BALLSY. He runs right in front of us, whereas most usually are scared of any human noise. He's not only unlawfully squatting, chewing through gladware and plastic bags, he's taunting us. HE CLIMBED ON ME.

I went across the street and immediately bought MORE traps. Because maybe they'll just fall into one. I checked the old ones and discovered that not only were they empty of mice, the mice had STOLEN the bait off the traps. Without setting them off. I bought mouse attractant, which supposedly works better than peanut butter or cheese and is poisonous to them.

Anyone have any ideas?

And one NOT about work.

I have some randoms.

1. VERY sad I will not be at Girls' Weekend this weekend. I'm complaining. If wishes were tickets to Charlotte, I'd already be there :(

2. I just want to put Nastia Liukin in my little pocket. She's like Gwyneth in a leotard and scrunchie. For some reason I really really like her nose. I think it's because I had mine looked at on Froday by the ENT who fixed mine. And if this CHINESE GIRL GETS A GOLD I'M NEVER BUYING CHINESE FOOD AGAIN. I swear I want to smack the crap out of those girls.

3. Molly's got a bit of a temper, and should never joke around with Cara K while she's at work and Molly's a bit on edge. Because Molly might take something way out of context about others' activities.

4. Thanks go to Meghan, who put Molly a bit in line.

5. OH I KNOW YOU WANT TO KNOW. Sorry, not on the inter-web.

6. Nastia Liukin should seriously consider walking off the podium. Seriously.

Working today, plus a couple computer questions...

I've been working on a couple of paintings all day and am finally - at 7:39 pm - making myself take a break.

As always, I'm working on a couple of pieces simultaneously. One of them I've already shown on here, another is about twice the size of that one (really, it's huge), and a third is one that I've just about given up hope on ever feeling satisfied with. I'm thinking about just doing whatever it takes to get that one looking decent and then calling it done.

I often get like that about my work - I get really excited about a piece, dive in head-first, and then finish up in a hurry. I always envision it looking a lot different, which is kind of destructive - no piece is EVER going to turn out how I had envisioned when looking at that blank canvas. I'm trying every day to just abandon that vision with some things and just let them go where they may. It's odd, I've had a few that literally look NOTHING like my initial sketch. Some have even had their biggest elements and focal points altogether removed, and one in particular started out with no view of the sky, and now the sky is the biggest part of the piece.

One of the pieces I'm working on, however, is just the CHORE of my work right now. It's going well, actually - I'm sticking to what works in terms of color and perception, doing things like making sure that things further away in the picture are cooler (more toward the blue/purple side of the color wheel) than those nearest, making sure the sky is at least a little lighter than the water, regardless of the color, and making an odd corner( where one corner is light whereas the others are dark, warm vs cool, etc) and all that jazz. Problem is I've just not gotten INTO it.

I think there's one thing that everyone considers a chore when they're working. In insurance, it was these stupid little things we called "pendings", which I swear to GOD sent me into full-blown panic attacks so many times, I probably sent my shrink's kids to private school through my bills. I admit, I let those suckers pile up because I HATED doing them. I just didn't see the value in them, and in my opinion, they just made more work for everyone. But hey, no one asked me to run that place, and they do things pretty well without my own two cents, so I will concede that they DO know what they're doing. They're just not going to give ME panic attacks anymore.

As for the painting, no, it's not giving me panic attacks. Actually, nothing has ever given me a panic attack with this kind of work. I've gotten a little stressed and stayed up til 4 am to attack a deadline, and I've wanted to throw more than a couple of canvases out the window because I made them an absolute mess. This particular painting just needs to get done, and I'm not jumping into it quite as hard as I have with most others. I think once I get over a specific "hump" with it - getting the current layer of paint to dry so that I can put certain colors on top of it without risking colors blending together, as well as finally figuring out what color to make the water - I might get a little more excited about it. I'm hoping it'll turn out like that.

So even though I hate doing it, here ya go. The in-progress.


Took me forever to figure that out, it was done with a camera phone...Which leads me to a couple of computer questions. Anyone who knows what to do, please post or send me an email at harringtonmolly (at...gmail) - hope that avoids the spambots.

1. How do I set up a blackberry curve to transfer pictures directly via USB on a mac? I can only figure out how to do it via MMS.
2. I'm having a problem that I can't seem to find the answer to...every so often, my computer won't let me quit an application, even with force quit. I have to power the computer down and then restart. It seems to happen most often with Photoshop, Firefox, iTunes or iPhoto.
oh, and I'm running a Macbook Pro 2.2 Ghz Intel Core 2 duo, 2 GB mem, 667 MHz, and I'm running Leopard that's all up to date.

I'm not sure I quite "get it"

But here's a video that keeps being sent my way. I'd like to know how this guy gets paid to go to 42 countries in a year or so just to dance for a few seconds. Sounds like a cool job, please advise me where to send a resume.


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Alexander McQueen, will you accept paintings or my first-born in trade?

I couldn't afford these shoes even when I was working in the corporate world. But they're so beautiful, I actually wondered what I could sell to get them. I can't even put the price on this page, it's so outrageous.



It makes me sad that only the super-rich can afford these. Why, in a world of karma that supposedly balances, can Paris Hilton afford these?

Painting, Molly style.

I often get asked how I "come up with the ideas" for a painting, how I know what will work on a canvas, and generally, just how I work. I really like seeing this on other artists, so I'll show you through a painting. It's oil, so it will take a while, be prepared!

People usually assume that I paint from a photograph, which I do occasionally, but for the most part, I rearrange things I've seen in person, in a magazine or just a random picture, combining a few elements from many different sources. Other times, I just draw and see what happens.

Such was the case today. I wanted to use a canvas measuring 15" x 30", so I drew a few boxes in my sketchbook to get the dimensions going through my head. When I do this type of drawing, I usually just aim for a composition that pleases the eye - it is kind of the secret to ANY decent work. I generally never draw these with the intention of making a tree or a flower or whatever, I kind of let shapes happen, then try to join them. I don't use color here, and I don't use anything erasable. I used a pencil here, but I intentionally didn't even let myself have an eraser. I draw with a Sharpie, intending purely to lay out dark shapes, which will in turn form the light shapes. I check a few basic composition rules in my head, decide if I really want to break any of them, then do another with changes here and there until I'm basically satisfied with the overall layout. By the way, breaking a composition rule is HARD to do. I usually try to do something to fix it so I'm not breaking the rules.

Here's an example of my composition/value sketches:


The top one is the predecessor to the bottom, and the bottom one still needs a little work, but I'll show the final sketch shortly.

Once I decide on the composition, I prepare whatever support - usually canvas or linen. This particular one is cotton canvas, which came pre-stretched into its dimensions. I usually like to stretch my own canvas (it's cheaper and I can control the quality), but this one was on sale a while back at only $7 so I jumped on it. Usually, it goes for about $35, I was rather proud of this deal. I prepared this one by sanding the surface a little, then adding an additional coat of ordinary chalk gesso. I hate that stuff, by the way. It's the only part of my job that I don't like doing.

One of the things that always makes me feel like I suck at it is when I've got this big ole white canvas staring at me, so these days I usually start by putting a solid layer of acrylic paint down, which will usually help to set a mood for the piece. Since I want some bits of red to poke through on this, I picked a red mixed with a bit of Burnt Sienna, which is a darker, warmer brown. With this color below the painting, it'll cast a warmer tone to the entire image - sort of like when you look away from the sun as it's setting and everything is slightly pink...I don't know if this is a sunset type of painting yet, but it'll have a warm tone overall.

So here's my "blank canvas":


At this point, I draw outlines from the sketch with an oil pastel. Some artists do it with a thinned paint, but I like to do it faster and with a bit more control, so I use a tool with which I can draw rather than paint. I purposefully just outline the shapes, and don't fill any of them in.

More tomorrow when I finish this and start working on it.

Smoking cessation

I'm completely smoke-free now. Day one seemed easy. Day two seemed easy. Day three, I got a little bored and needed something to occupy myself for a little five minute vacation every so often.

Day four through NOW...I'm a freaking MESS.

Why?

1. It's true. You gain weight when you quit. Now, I know I could stand to gain a few. But when you pull on your jeans only to see MUFFIN TOP, it's disheartening, to say the least. I almost cried. I can't afford bigger clothes, so I've got to cease this weight gain at the very least, maybe kick the whatever it is that I gained from quitting. No, I haven't eaten any more - nicotine raises your metabolism by 10%. If you quit, you have to eat 10% less or burn 10% more calories. Doesn't sound like much, but when you're fighting the urge to stick a cancer stick in your mouth anyway, it sucks to say "no, no smoking. And by the way, don't replace it with food."

2. No positive effects yet. Seriously, my skin looks no better. My hair looks no better.

3. Actually, I've had NEGATIVE effects. Can't get enough air into my lungs. Feels like I'm breathing through a pinhole. It's called asthma.

4. Don't EVEN say anything that I may consider mean, spiteful, annoying or just plain not what I want to hear. I'm freaking cranky. Oh, I know it. Thank you to all who have put up with me. Last night, the boy came over and hung out for a little while. While I DID have something I needed to get off my chest with him (all clear now), I was probably certifiably insane. He teased me about something very minor, and I almost burst into tears. Then I wanted to scream at him. Then I wanted to cry again. The whole time, I just wanted a cigarette. When we talked about what I needed to get off my chest - and he even agreed with me, I still wanted to just be so mean, emotional and downright crabby, I'm surprised he didn't cover me in Old Bay and throw me in a pot of water. Yes, I did apologize for being a brat.

5. My attention span is SHOT. I know, I'm not great on attention span to begin with. But it's taken me just about all day to write this.

6. I am exhausted. Maybe I should get some sleep.

Call for subject matter, help an artist out

I'm kind of in a bit of a block these days, and though I'm working through it - I HAVE stuff to do, I just usually have stuff planned in my head that I'm excited to get started doing. Right now, however, I have no exciting thing to paint or draw on the horizon.

I also got a random inspiration from my friend Claire this week, she had inquired about a painting that featured a field of poppies that I had done a while back, which I had unfortunately (for Claire) sold already. I took it as my motivation to paint more poppies - unlike many artists, I don't mind painting what I think will sell. I like doing what I do, and within reason, I will do just about anything. Claire's inspiration is now a nice little watercolor that I'll post later in the week.

So I discovered that I liked getting some input from my friends as to WHAT to paint. Anyone have any ideas? Better yet, send me pictures. I'll sign a couple sketches and send them to the winner, and you get first crack at purchasing the final result if I select your image.

PLEASE SEND ME STUFF! My email is my last name and then my first name, all one word, all lower case, @gmail.com. Hope this avoids the spammers, but as you know, my last name is harrington, my first name is molly. Please put "submission" in the subject line. Send me a LINK to the image - no downloads. I don't have the space on my computer and I don't want to tempt that whole Macs-don't-get-viruses theory. You can host the image for free at Photobucket or Picasa and get a link, holler if you need help.

Couple of rules that I have to state, even though all are HIGHLY unlikely:
1. You must have taken the picture. You may also use an image taken by someone you know in person, but the original photographer/owner of the image must be willing to send me an email that allows me to use the image as reference material.
2. I reserve the right to copyright derived work, without credit or payment to you. Any credit or payment (title credit, sketches given to you, etc) are purely given as gifts with no monetary value.
3. I will retain image rights on any sketches and/or final painting/product. If you become the owner of the artwork, you may not reproduce or photograph the work without my permission. I reserve the right to publish your original image solely as a reference and accompanied by the final artwork.
4. Any persons depicted in images will be rendered as minor subjects (i.e. blurred, shape only) and not in a portrait style.
5. For my own and YOUR own safety, do not send me any of the following: bad stuff with kids, illegal images, images depicting illegal activities, etc. If I receive any of it, I will hand over the image, your email and IP addresses, as well as your ISP provider, to any authority that will listen, purely because I can't beat the crap out of you myself. Don't test me on this one, really.

Other than that, anything goes. People, places, things, animals, vegetables, minerals. Whatever you find interesting, be it the color, the object, the shape...the possibilities are endless. :)

AWESOME new trick...

I was stuck trying to figure out the mileage on my run the other day and realized that mapquest wasn't a very useful tool because it's almost TOO useful for drivers. If you're on foot, you can go the wrong way down a one-way street, you can cut through the park, you can run in an alley, you can do any number of things. So I thought "man, I wish they had WALKING directions!" So I plugged that into google and found out that Google maps actually DOES have walking directions.

I found out that they're good, but not good for if you WANT to go the long route. I started searching through more results and BAM...Google Pedometer. It's not actually run by Google, it's more of a "hack" (where someone takes an existing product, makes a few modifications and makes it useful for a different purpose), but it's awesome. Someone even put where you can track your calorie burn (not too accurate if you ask me since running and walking are different calorie burners) and there's a bunch of options you can play around with.

See my running route from yesterday here. I'm not running today, I have a nagging hamstring and I have a rest day coming my way anyway. You can make your own and post it or do whatever you want with it.

Here's what I'm doing for my longer run this weekend. You can also use Google Street View and take a tour around my neighborhood here.

Website woes...

I've been working on my website for the past few days and have been on the computer but really REALLY concentrated on the site. It's a little confusing, but I'll try to explain how I've gone about it.

First, I was thinking about a simple, easy website. It would have been:
-Title
-Four links:
-Portfolio: a gallery of my work, when you click on one image, it took you to a larger image of it. No pricing, just "contact the artist"
-Bio: my artist's statement (whenever that gets written), a brief biography, and notes on where my work has been shown.
-Contact info: duh.
-Commission information: walking through steps of how I do portraits and commissions.
-Maybe a link to a blog
-A picture of one piece of work that would change as I felt appropriate.

THEN I thought I should maybe split up the gallery: portraits/fine art, landscapes/urban scenes, abstract/figurative....the list could go on. Enter Dreamweaver.

NEXT, I thought "hey, maybe I should have a logo or a clean looking appearance to my name"...so I need to design a logo. Enter Adobe Illustrator.

I figure out I don't have good pictures of my work. Enter Photoshop.

I finally think "hey, I might want a slideshow instead of one picture on the home page"... enter Adobe Flash.

Thank God I have all these programs, but I have NO idea how to use most of them. I've picked up some stuff here and there, but nothing concrete. So my page is slowly but supposedly surely coming together. I don't know. I certainly hope so, but I've finally arrived at somewhat of a design.

In the meantime, I'm pretty much flat broke this weekend, so I'll be staying in and getting some work done. Kind of sad.

And I still really want a smoke.

"Everything you need is already inside"

I'm a sucker for those stories that surround either the Olympics - or for that matter, any other sporting event - where the producers have found those they-did-it-through-way-more-adversity-than-you'll-ever-know things and then set it to music purely to make you cry. I haven't seen Rudy, nor will I. I'm just going to cry like a freaking baby. When I read Lance Armstrong's autobiography, I was on a plane and I'm sure people thought I was crazy - I was crying all over the place. Kerry Strug doing the second vault in '96 with a broken ankle, perfectly landing on one foot? Oh my GOD, tears are in my eyes right now. Hell, sometimes they don't even need to put Morgan Freeman's voice and a sad ole tune behind it. I remember very clearly sitting in the beat-up wingback chairs in my living room in 1992 watching Derek Redmond's dad helping him cross the finish line after he tore a hamstring mid-race. Maybe it's the estrogen you get pumping in you as you get older, because I didn't cry at it then, but man, I can't even THINK about it without blubbering.

So Nike decides to make a commercial for people like me.


Go to this site and click on the names that run at the bottom as the commercial plays. You can see the stories behind them and bawl your eyes out for a good couple of minutes as well. I think Julie Moss, David Lega, and Ralph Boston are my favorites. And John McEnroe, because I like brats.

The title of this post is a quote from Bill Bowerman. I never know when and how to properly cite things.

AAAAAHHHHHH

OH MY GOD I want a cigarette SO FREAKING BAD.

I really really really really really do.

If you are in Philly, please come over and do something to distract me.

NBC SUCKS at covering the Olympics.

So I'm watching a bit of the Olympics, or at least parts of it. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed in the coverage. Why?

1. They pump up the big ratings sports - swimming, gymnastics, diving, etc. So you tune in to watch the sport, only to find that they're running ten million little things like interviews with Michael Phelps' mom, maybe ten minutes of "filler" sports (which basically consists of showing the LAST performance of the gold medal winner, if they were a US athlete or a superstar in some way) and MAYBE five minutes of the thing you tuned in for to begin with! I just found out that the women's gymnastics isn't on until 10:30! And they've been pumping this up for "prime time coverage" for TWO days, according to my friend Kelly who is coming over to watch it - she's taking her time because it's not on for a while.

2. They cover all these asinine stories of the athletes but don't show their medal ceremonies. I'd be ticked off if I were the mother of some swimmer who won the gold medal whose last name WASN'T Phelps.

3. The only female sports they show are ones in which they wear skimpy outfits. Seriously, haven't seen one other sport. Maybe five minutes of soccer, but for the large part, its all gymnastics, swimming, water polo, diving, synchronized diving, and beach volleyball - no regular volleyball, mind you. NBC apparently thinks that if they show women's fencing, they'll lose that all-important segment of the target market that we call "perverts".

4. I realize that the Olympics are still making up for taking a huge loss in both Sydney and Athens as ticket sales and sponsorships STUNK there, (really, you could have WALKED into any event you wanted in Athens except swimming or beach volleyball. I was there, and I was really ticked that I had paid 250 Euros for a ticket I could have walked into for free), but I have literally seen commercial minutes to programming minutes at a ratio of 3:2. Yes, there's more commercials than actual programming.

5. Even the events I WANT to watch aren't complete. I'm a little cranky that I can't see the entire gymnastics competition, and I have to say - you know what? Those Australian, French, German and Ukranian girls work just as hard. They deserve some coverage too, even though they probably won't win a gold medal.

SO. I'm DVR'ing and then just fast forwarding. I'm already slightly breaking the boycott rules by having watched the opening ceremonies (which were, in fact, gorgeous), so I figure by doing this, I'm sticking one to the man.

Take that, man.

Um, what?

I just went to a running store in Philly (I needed some shoe advice) and was told to give up caffeine in my quest to get faster in running.

I'm sorry, I already quit smoking. I'll quit coffee when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Running...

I am still in the process of getting myself into shape, and I've started walking and running for a few reasons:

1. I need something that does not allow me the ability to bring cigarettes in a pack or purse. Bicycling's out because I always end up bringing a backpack on a bike trip.
2. It's cheap. I have a pair of running shoes already.
3. I have the space to do it.
4. It can be done in hot and cold weather.
5. There's really no excuse for slacking off - if I'm tired, I can walk.

So I've been doing it. My lung capacity is slowly increasing, especially since I quit smoking. Yes, I'm certifiably smoke-free. I really want a damn cigarette, but I'm done. That whole "2 weeks and then you'll forget about it"? Bull. But it's okay.

I don't have a running buddy (my roommate will walk with me, but doesn't want to do the running thing), but someone recommended that I get some sort of goal to work towards while running. So I found one. I'm hoping to run the Virginia Ten Miler in my hometown in late September. It's a pretty big challenge, but I *think* I can do it. I have been running about three miles at a time (minus when I have to stop for traffic to cross the street, maybe 2-3x a run), and then my big days (maybe 2-3x a week) are about 6 miles - run 4, walk 2. More or less, I just run until I can't do it anymore, then walk til I can get my breath, then I run again. I'm not exactly aiming for Steve Prefontaine - type condition, I just want to finish the darn race without looking like a total loser. Seriously, I have no illusions about the fact that I will NOT be getting what people would say "wow, that's a good time". I have a cousin who runs this darn race at a 6 minute mile pace (it's VERY hilly, so that's pretty insane), but I'd be lucky to keep a ten-minute mile going. Not kidding, I just want to finish. After that, get me a beer.

So I'm trying to up it every day, either going a longer distance or running longer and walking less. Anyone have any suggestions?

In preparation, I'm going to run the Nike+ Human Race 10k, which is going on in 25 cities all over the world, but NOT in Philadelphia, darn it. I have to go to New York to run it, but I can get there in an hour and a half by bus and then go back that evening. That's 6.2 miles, so if I'm doing 6.2 by August 31, I should be at 10 by September 27, right?

Anyway, I'll try and post my stats (whatever I can figure them out to be) on here every time I run. I can't afford new shoes, but my old ones are starting to give me blisters. I think I'm going to go down to the dance store and get some gel tape for my feet instead.

I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew. Yes, I know this.

Jim Halpert, where have you been all my life?

I recently said that I had discovered that I hadn't laughed enough this past year. I have come to the conclusion that while I LOVE to laugh, I don't laugh unless I REALLY find something funny. If you're a dude, make me laugh enough that my sides hurt, and we may be headed to Vegas to get hitched.

Maybe I wasn't watching the office enough. I saw this commercial tonight and nearly peed my pants.

sorority drama, will it ever end?

I should probably warn a few of you that you may be a little upset with me for this post. I apologize. I will start this off then by saying the following: I do not regret joining a sorority, and I enjoyed my time there. I met people that I might never have met otherwise, and it provided an easy way to find a place at the university and allowed me to make friends rather quickly.

That being said, why, tell me, WHY are some people STILL so concerned with sorority life, a full ten years after graduation?

In every city to which I have moved, I have contacted the alumni chapter for my sorority. In this post, I'm not going to specify which one I was (am? I don't know) in, as I don't want this to make the rounds of "let's get rid of this girl!" circles. I have to admit, I have yet to pay my dues of only $40 a year in my post-college life. Sorry. I can't afford it. I'll do it eventually. I just can't swing it right now. I do contribute to causes that they support, so I do feel that I'm giving back, but honestly, I don't have the money to give money toward giving little-sister packages to pledges. I paid my bajillions of dollars toward it in college, and I paid every single fine to which I was assessed for missing meetings or doing whatever wrong, so I don't feel guilty about not having paid my $40. In terms of alumni involvement, I've done what I could. I helped the Boston University and Harvard chapters when I lived in Boston, as their rush chair really wanted a "fresh look" by a more Southern "style" of rush. I told them what we used to do, all that stuff, but unfortunately, a lot of it didn't transfer well - both schools don't allow sorority houses or even dorm floors, they rent rooms to hold ceremonies and keep their "stuff" in a storage space. They appreciated it, though, and I enjoyed talking to the girls in their chapter.

When I moved to Philly, I did get in contact with a few girls through the sorority and actually hang out with them. I even lived with a few of them at the Jersey shore for one summer. Another alum, Ansley (she was at the University of Miami) and I have turned out to be good friends, even after she and her husband moved back to Florida. So yes, I have had some benefits after college because of the sorority.

Other than that and keeping up with a few of my sisters, I really haven't been a model sister. As mentioned, I haven't paid dues. I haven't gone to mock rush. I haven't done jack. Today, I had lunch with a friend of mine who brought another friend of hers who recently moved to Philadelphia from Atlanta. We did the same old dumb thing, played the name game (we had no mutual friends from college years, to our chagrin), and then she got on the subject of sororities. We were not in the same house, or even at the same university, but the question of "so, what WERE you?" came up, in a context that implied I would not have been ANYONE if I hadn't been Greek. The conversation went a little like this. I will call her Elle, because she reminds me a little of Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. Except not charming. Or nice.

Me: "Oh, I was a blankety-blank."
Elle: "Really? Blankety-blanks were some of my best friends, I was in blobbedy-blah."
Me: "That's nice, I believe my grandmother was a blobbedy-blah."
Elle: "You didn't go blobbedy-blah, then? You were a LEGACY!"
Me: "No, I actually didn't pledge til the second part of my freshman year. I only pledged because blankety-blank because I had already met some girls that I really liked and was friends with."
Elle: "oh. Well, blobbedy-blah is really good there, right? Who's the good ones there?"
Me: "I guess, I haven't exactly kept up with which of the 18 sororities are 'good' almost ten years after I've left, though. I mean, they have a really pretty house...but I just kind of felt like that part of the sorority life is what I'm glad to leave behind."
Elle: "what on EARTH do you mean?"
Me: "Well, I didn't like how sororities were so mean to each other. We did it some too, and I certainly made fun of a few of them while I was there. But since then, I just feel like I have a lot better of a character than that. I shouldn't have been so concerned with what I thought of others and what they thought of me."
Elle: "well, we're not like that."
Me: "I have no doubt, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I just feel like there's a few things I learned there that I learned that I DIDN'T want to embody. I know, the ideals of every organization don't reflect any of how it is, but it's just my experience."
Elle: "would you let your daughter do it?"
Me: "of course, if that's what she wants. I just will make sure that she knows that Greek letters don't make you better than anyone."
Elle: "Oh that's so untrue, sororities aren't like that."

At this point, I shut my mouth instead of saying what I was thinking...yes, there's quite a few sorority and fraternity members who think that their letters make them better than people. I'm not saying ALL of them, but we all remember these people.

Elle: "Well, I'd be sad if my daughter didn't want to be a blobbedy-blah. But I'd be okay if she wanted to go blankety-blank. As long as she didn't go blippity-blip, right?"

I just kind of smiled and nodded at that point, I didn't want to tell her that SHE was the reason I wouldn't necessarily shove my daughter into sororities. I don't want her to turn out like HER. My daughter's list of positive attributes should begin with her good character and good head on her shoulders, not with "she's pretty and is a legacy of blankety-blank". Personally, I'm not proudest of being a member of the sorority as a women's organization. I'm more proud of being a member of NOW, the National Organization for Women, which is, for the record, larger than any sorority, so none are the largest women's organizations as some may claim. While I know that the women who founded my sorority were likely trailblazers of their time, I'm sorry, but Betty Friedan's work formed me WAY more than our charter.

I know that sororities are, in many ways, to their members, a result of the energies their members put into them. I may very well have benefitted from investing more time into it. But honestly, I love that I had - and still do - have friends that weren't in the sorority. I love that my last year, I finally said "I'll just pay the fine" if I just couldn't make it to a fifth or sixth big-sis-little-sis night. I know, I owed more than that to the new members, but honestly, I'd have missed memories that I made instead of attendign those events. When I lived with a shite-load of others in a big old house towards the end of it, Mav Staylor even said to me something that I never forgot:

"Molly, I know you've had fun there, and you'd never quit, but I think it's not in your personality to do something to avoid a fine from your friends. I know you miss stuff when you hang out with us, but people get pissed off at greeks when greeks think that you don't miss stuff with US when you hang out with THEM. It's not like we don't know how to have any fun just because we're not making a t-shirt about it."

Ahh...I miss those rocking chairs and that porch. I do believe that we could write volumes of wisdom from what was said there that summer. He's right. I think that was why I was so peeved by the conversation with Elle today. Things like what she had said (it was a longer conversation than what I just said) seemed to indicate that she honestly thought that there was no way someone could have had fun without having had the right greek-letter sweatshirt in their closet.

I know that things are, for lack of a better word, just DIFFERENT in the South. I think it's part of what makes greeks such a curious little institution, to borrow a phrase from history. But honestly, I don't think that exclusion and looking down upon people should - or was intended to - be a part of these organizations. I actually think it's WHY I chose the one that I ended up being a part of - because the others on campus seemed to relish who they WOULDN'T let in rather than celebrate the differences among their members. While I was at UGA, one sorority got in a National amount of trouble when a member quit her sorority because many in her organization had questioned the motivations of a particular black woman who was going through an otherwise all-white Rush. I don't know what my nineteen-year-old self would have done, but I hope I would have done the exact same thing as that member did. I'd frankly be disappointed in my daughter if I found out that she DIDN'T stand up for what was right in that situation.

Who knows, though. I AM glad to have met every single person (okay, minus a couple, who will remain nameless) that I met in my sorority. I learned a lot about myself and how women are stronger in numbers. And if I find $40 laying around, I'll send it off to the Executive Offices.

I'm getting old.

I'm getting old - I'm turning the TV off, turning old music on, complaining about my aching joints, trying to eat healthy, and minding my weight from a non-vanity standpoint. And oh yeah, I almost forgot...I'm forgetting things.

Get it? HA. I'm telling bad jokes too. Give me three days and I'll have a Golden Girls haircut.

So yes, that's what I've noticed in the hour I've been awake.

Turning the TV off (day four): Still wanted to watch it. I admit, I watched about five minutes fo the Today show, but after five minutes of a tribute to Jill Rappaport's dog, Jack, who just passed away, I realized that if I'm gonna cheat (or hell, if I'm gonna watch TV period), I might as well make it worth it. My condolences to Ms Rappaport, I just don't really have any interest in the segment on a news program.

Turning Old Music On: I don't know how I got into this, but I downloaded just about the entire catalogs of Sam Cooke and Otis Redding. I think that when I get married, I want one of those cover bands that do all of those Motown and Soul songs to play, like on Animal House. I went to a wedding once where one played and I swear I've never had so much fun in my whole life.

Complaining about my aching joints: My knee hurts :(. It's one of those pains that I KNOW isn't anything serious, just a signal that I'm out of shape. My teeth hurt too, but it's probably because I haven't been to the dentist in a billion years.

Trying to eat healthy: I got up this morning and had some Honey Nut Chex and Strawberry Chex, both of which should just be called High Fructose Corn Syrup and/or Sugar Chex. There's only a negligible amount of honey, nuts and/or strawberries. I'm fairly certain that bit'o'honey candy bars and Strawberry Shortcake Dolls have more natural ingredients than these do. Now I feel ill. I'm a little cranky at myself for starting the day out badly like that.

Minding my weight from a non-vanity standpoint: I rarely, if ever, get on the scale, as I really only have one rule - as long as my clothes fit, I'm fine. I don't want to get obsessive about numbers, because they don't mean anything. Even BMI means relatively little - according to those measurements, professional athletes are obese. So my scale basically sits under my bathroom cabinet and does nothing for 364 days a year. My roommate commented the other day that she noticed that she lost weight, however, so I got curious and pulled out the scale. And I remembered why my scale is so stressful. I compare it to scoring figure skating - you throw out the high and low scores, and the middle 5 are averaged. Seriously - there's a TWELVE POUND range on this thing, and I bought it because it said it was super-ACCURATE! Anyway, I did lose a little, and since my doctor might yell at me next time I see her, I'm going to call a nutritionist (hey, it's insured) and see if they can advise me on how to gain a few and enjoy it without a) going overboard and b) having it all go straight to my thighs. We'll see.

I'm forgetting things: I talked to Melissa over email yesterday about her trip to Greece (DG Melissa, not roommate Melissa) and I had told her that I'd recommend a hotel in Santorini, which I'm still working on finding. It was SUCH a great hotel, the woman was really nice, it was central to everything and it was only about 40 Euros a night, which is UNHEARD OF in Santorini - DURING THE OLYMPICS. The only drawback (hence the price) was that it didn't have a view from the Caldera, which is a little overrated, in my opinion. You have to lug all of your luggage down the hill or hire a donkey (no cars, it's all alleyways), then you're right on top of another room and another hotel on a slightly less-than-vertical cliff for hundreds of feet. The hotel we stayed at is at the TOP of the Caldera, near a good restaurant, has a pool, air conditioning, and most importantly - takes reservations. If you go to the Greek Isles, you'll find that Greece, for being one of the earliest, most civilized countries on Earth, does NOT like to plan a lot. You just go with the flow. They make Jamaica look like Manhattan. Anyway, I can't remember the name of this hotel for the LIFE of me, and neither does my sister. I almost called Let's Go to ask what it was they recommended that year, but I KNOW I'll eventually remember it. At this point, it's not so much to help Melissa (though I do want to get it to her), it's more for my own sanity that I figure this damn thing out.

Okay, off to coffee.

Day Three of no TV, a night at a mexican cantina, and a watercolor disaster.

Day three of the TV turn-off...so far, so good. I thought about turning on Oprah for about five minutes today, but decided to get some stuff done instead. Other than that, I haven't touched it, I'm very proud of myself. Granted, the world could very well have been invaded by poisonous vicious unicorns today, and I am not one bit the wiser, but I'll take that chance.

I had no problem with Day Two, hence the fact that I didn't post other than the whole childbirth thing. I spent most of yesterday working on a drawing, ran some errands, went running (I'm on day 12 - haven't missed one yet!) and then went out with the NoVA boy and his friends for his birthday. It was a lot of fun, we went to a cantina over in the Passyunk section of South Philly, which I had not actually been to previous, despite living within walking distance for the past year. I had two very very weak but delicious blackberry margaritas, enough Mexican food to be full-but-not-crammed, and it was quite the lovely night to stroll around South Philly, I must say. On a very funny note, I got a voicemail morning from a friend of mine this morning. It said: "I SAW YOU outside your house last night getting into a car - I didn't run across the street to say hello because you looked like you were on a date with a guy...or I thought you might be. Drove (X) kind of car and looked a lot like (A certain Celebrity's Name Here) and he looked very nice in an orange tie". Since she had the tie and car exactly right, she DID see us, I guess. I googled the pictures of the celebrity (I could only think of one particular image of him in my head) and I DO see the resemblance, a little bit, at least, and given this celebrity's reputation in the business, I'd consider it a compliment if I were him. I'm not saying who it is just yet because I'm going to try to get him to guess who it was since he reads this from time to time.

We got back from the cantina a little late, so I did NOT miss any TV. Today, though, I slept on the couch for a while and I missed the TV, because I love sleeping on the couch with the TV on. I brought some watercolors downstairs and worked on a painting, which I TOTALLY screwed up. I'm going to wait for it to dry, then trace the image (it took me forever to get it composed right, I am NOT going to let that drawing go to waste) and then try again tomorrow using some masking fluid to work out some problems with the color. Since I usually work with oils or pastels, watercolor is a bit of a shock sometimes - you REALLY have to think before you put ANYTHING on the paper, because it won't come off once it's there, and there's really no way to make an area lighter in color if you accidentally make it too dark. I haven't done too much with watercolor before, but I'm trying to get it to work just to make me better overall and help me to keep a "less is more" mentality while I'm doing other media.

Yeah right, like Molly will ever learn that one - Less is More. Pshyeah.

Childbirth ain't looking pretty. Warning: possible TMI.

I got up early to go walking with a friend of mine, who we will call C. There is absolutely no method to the way I name most anonymous people on here, by the way. I just pick one key on the keyboard and that's their initial. It is also completely possible that I may tell more than one story about each person, and given the fact that I'm too lazy for continuity, I may be assigning more than one alias to a person, or even more than one person to an alias.

Anyway, C has three children and is what I'd call "the most laid-back and natural mother I've ever met." I guess that her theory is that if you take the simplest, calmest route to a solution in a problem involving child-rearing, you will end up with calm, happy children. She owns two cleansers (watered-down bleach and watered-down vinegar) and THAT'S IT. Her house smells like...nothing. She doesn't clutter up the environment with disposables, and she doesn't have the hassle of non-disposables. She has the easiest and most eco-friendly version of all - GDiapers. Flushable inserts, pretty wrappers, and no mess whatsoever. They're even "greener" than cloth diapers - they use less water. She takes everything that goes along with kids in stride.

I hadn't really seen C since about a year ago, when she had her third. She had a miscarriage in between baby 2 & 3, and was concerned to see if my friends who were pregnant had gotten out of the first trimester okay. I was happy to report that all that I know of were doing well, still pregnant. I then mentioned my strange fear about having children that made her stop the walk as she was about doubled over laughing.

My fear about having children? It's not the getting big or doing damage to the body. It's not the first three months where you're scared of whatever. It's not the financial cost of having a kid, the fact that my already-negligible rack will be even smaller after children or even the fact that I will probably be THAT mom who forgets EVERYthing - like the diaper bag - when I go places.

It's the fact that I will be sitting there for NINE MONTHS with one thought - there is absolutely NO way to get out of that situation without a helluva lot of pain. Either it's coming out the old-fashioned way or they're going to have to do the equivalent of Emergency Surgery, as I'd never intentionally SCHEDULE a C-Section like ole Britney Spears. C found this hysterical, probably from the look on my face when I said this.

Then, after her laughing had subsided for a bit, the weirdness started.

C: "what is it that scares you about it? Yeah, it hurts, but not how I had imagined it"
Me: "well, um, all I can say is that it sounds like it's the biggest and most painful poo one would ever take."
C: "actually, yeah, when they say 'pressure', that's kind of what they mean. It feels like you REALLY have to go number two."
Me: "yeah. Ow. Plus there's all that blood, and because of that 'pressure', I always hear that you really DO drop a deuce on the table."
C: "sometimes, but my labors were so long, I had nothing left in me anyway so by the time I pushed, nothing like THAT came out."
Me: "well, all I know is that I'm having a STRICT rule - my husband is NOT allowed to look at what's going on down there, if you know what I mean. I may even kick him out of the room, I do my hardest and best work when I'm left alone anyway."
C: (she has stopped us and we're sitting on a bench at this point - she can not stop laughing at me) "Are you KIDDING? I had a MIRROR at all mine so I could WATCH!"
Me: "Sorry, NOT gonna happen. I don't particularly want to see that."
C: "Wait, have you ever seen one?"
Me: "those Sex Ed videos, like 'The Miracle of Life', but not in real life"
C: "Was it was that one from the 70's? Where the guy has a full-on beard and they're wearing linen clothing and they do chants?"
Me: (sorry, conversation's a little crass at this point) "Yeah, and her Southern Hemisphere doesn't look all that different from her husband."
C: "Well, it's not THAT gross. That's the bad 70's porn of childbirth videos. I've seen Episiotomies that look prettier than that."
Me: "You are not making me want to have children any faster when you say words like 'Episiotomy'"
C: "Well, you have to see mine. It's not bad at all, I think you have a bad image of them when it's not as bad as you've been led to believe."
Me: "I'm sorry, C, but if I died today never having seen a baby come out of your LadyParts, I will die a happy lady and I will not think that I'm missing out on any part of our friendship."
C: "no, really, I'm going to make you see it. I dare you."
Me: "No thanks."

When we get to her house for a water-and-pit-stop, she's still on the topic. She had a pair of my jeans, and she says she won't let me have them until I watch it. Since she SWEARS it's less than five minutes (only the important parts, and it's of her third child, so it's faster than the other two), I finally give in. She puts it on their TV and I watch.

Okay, so it wasn't AS bad as those videos you watch in high school, but still. Ow. It still looks like it huuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrts.

I gave her one bit of relief - that it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. However, now as I'm typing this, I realize that I may never look at her the same way again, as I've seen her hoo-hah in action.

I'm still sticking to my rule - my husband is under direct orders to NEVER look south of the Equator during the births of our future children, and there will be no mirrors for me to see that stuff. Call me vain, but I'd probably be petrified of touching him again if I saw him passing a kidney stone as well.

TV-Free week, Day One - Update

I haven't DVR'ed anything, but I just noticed that it was exactly 10:00. So I turned ONE show on (Weeds) instead of DVR'ing it. Don't worry, I'm turning it off at exactly 10:30. I'm doing okay, but I noticed how LONELY this house is without a television on. It's a little sad, but I guess I have to get used to it.

So I had a date (sort of) with NoVA again (we'll call him that since he called himself that), and it went well. Well, he just stopped off at my place after he came back from visiting family for the weekend, but I'd consider it a date even though we didn't go anywhere, and I had fun doing the low-key thing. Anyway, lots of fun, and we watched one of my FAVORITE movies, Raising Arizona. If you've never seen it, um, shame on you. It's one of the funniest movies of all time, and it may be the redeeming factor in Nicholas Cage's career - the non-redeeming problem of said career being that he really only got any work because of his uncle. We got onto two conversations that were kind of intriguing, however.

First, what are THE top five movies you've ever seen? I had a hard time answering this one, and I was the one who asked it in the first place. I've thought about it and have come up with the following:
1. Singles
-Rings truer as I've gotten older. About dating in your 20's, how women are, how men are, and how none of it makes any sense.
2. The Outsiders
-I dated a guy once who I made a Ponyboy/Sodapop reference to and he didn't get it. It was serious minus cool points.
3. Love Actually
-I think I cry like a baby every time I watch it. There's one scene where Emma Thompson realizes that her husband has cheated on her when he gives her a Joni Mitchell CD for Christmas. She goes upstairs and "has a good cry" (as the British say) really quietly and I just lose it. And when Natalie screws up on the first day of work by saying the F-bomb twice in front of the Prime Minister? Yep, that would be how I stick my foot in my mouth.
4. Moulin Rouge
-Oprah once said that seeing it was like seeing The Wizard of Oz all over again for the first time. Moulin Rouge is so visually stunning, I could probably watch it on mute.
5. Gone With the Wind
-You can take the girl out of the South, but you can never take the fiesty-little-fashion-whore-who-likes-big-strong-southern-men-Scarlett-O'Hara out of the girl.

Then again, this list will probably change tomorrow.

We also talked about something I was first aware of when I was working in Atlanta. It's probably the only thing that has proved true in just about every city in which I've ever worked. Have you ever noticed this as well?

Rich people, almost without exception, always have a rooster in their kitchen.

I don't know where this comes from, but I went running today down one of my favorite streets in Philly, Delancey Street. Sometimes I glance over at the windows as I run by, and I happened to notice something in the kitchen, which was one room back from the homeowners' front room.

A big-ass rooster.

I literally stopped in my tracks, and I wasn't even sucking wind. Yet. Someone walked into the kitchen right then, looked right outside, and there's me, in my sports bra and those shorts that say UGA on the rear end. They probably now think that some former sorority girl is casing their house to rob at some point. I'm no criminal, but I have to guess that if I WERE to get into the burglary business, I would set up a ceramic rooster store as my fake-business-front.

I'd make a killing.

The missing link...

Sorry, I forgot to link up on the last post about the TV-Free Week.

Here you go.

A TV-Free Week: Day One

I'm going to have an experiment. I'm going to try and go for one week without television.

Disclaimer: I AM, in fact, DVR'ing a few things. Weeds, maybe Oprah, couple other things.
I am also giving myself the opportunity to watch movies on DVD. I'm doing this to eliminate the "mindless" TV. The last hour of the Today Show. The FOUR hours of local news, even when I don't care about the first half hour, because Philly news doesn't really have a lot to offer these days. You know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I got the idea from this article, as well as the fact that I'm trying like crazy to buy into this whole Olympics Boycott thing. I might DVR one or two events, but the more I think about it, I do really agree with the reasons behind why the Artist's Guild I belong to has asked us to not partake in the Games. The Chinese government does not allow freedom of expression among its citizens, without which much of my profession would not exist. Coca-Cola and those kinds of sponsors weren't lining up to buy my work anyway - the boycott mainly affects commercial artists and graphic designers - so I'm mainly just affected by my own consumer-level stuff. I won't completely avoid all these companies' products, but I've been trying to NOT buy things that they've put the Olympic Rings all over, etc.

So I'm turning the TV off.

I'm hoping for the following:

1. To work out more.
2. Get more work done at one sitting rather than getting distracted.
3. Eat less junk food (I tend to do it in front of the TV)
4. Keep the house cleaner.
5. Read more.
6. Cook some decent food.
7. Rediscover Music
8. Get out of the house more.
9. Work on my tan while writing instead of watching TV.
10. Call the people I need to call.
11. Email people back right away.
12. Pay the bills.

Any other suggestions?

Sunday night junk food...

My roommate decided to stay in Delaware - and it's confirmed, my wallet IS in her car. There's seriously nothing worth any substance to eat. Today, I've had the following to eat:

-One Tomato Sandwich, made with the last of the tomato in the fridge and wheat bread. I personally think you can only eat tomato sammys on very light and thin white - like WonderBread. And I had to use the ends of the tomato, which I usually don't like.
-About 5 frozen miniature Reese's cups.
-2 frozen miniature Hershey's Special Dark chocolate bars.
-One half-bowl of Rice Krispies - the last of the box.
-The last of Virginia Diner Chocolate-Covered Peanut Brittle - about 4 square inches. My grandmother sends me a huge can of it every Christmas and it lasted this long because I didn't have an office with which to share it this year.
-About a gallon of Crystal Light.
-Four cups of coffee.

Seriously, that's IT. I could probably contract diabetes in a week flat if I were to continue that diet. Melissa's getting home late tomorrow night, thank GOD.

Since I'm a little woozy from lack of proper nutrients and protein and since my mom would check me into Renfrew Center if I lost an ounce, I've hatched a plan. I got Melissa to text-message me my credit card number, and I called for food at Towne Pizza, and ordered enough so it looks like it's not JUST me. A pizza, a sandwich and some wings. If they ask to see the actual CARD I'm screwed, but I figure I can eat those until Melissa gets home and then I can go get myself some delicious REAL food at Whole Foods when I get my card back. It's crappy food, but it's arguably better than all this darn sugar I ate today.

I should probably go now, I'm thinking I should probably take some Prevacid or something, given all this junk food I'm about to ingest.

Oops...

I've been on a mission today - to clean up and clean out. My room is now spotless, my beach things are unpacked, the laundry is sorted and in process in the basement, and I've gotten rid of a bunch of stuff that I no longer want, need or have use for.

I've also found a few things for which I had been searching for a long, long time. A sketchbook (I have probably 10-15, so they have a tendency to jump away from me), watercolor pencils, the book I had wanted to take to the beach, the cord to my camera...and one last thing that I don't know if I really actually wanted to find.

No, it's not racy pictures, letters from exes (I don't think I've ever gotten one anyway), or even clothes that I bought, never wore and now don't fit.

Let me back this up. When my roommate and I were moving this past October, we were on a tight schedule with little assistance. Her family had moved to Tennessee from Delaware, mine lives three states away, we only had her car, and we were both single as of that previous summer. Andrew, one of my few male friends that might agree to help move, was busy the entire week, and we didn't really have anyone to help us other than those options. To top it all off, we were BOTH getting major surgery within a day of each other, so we had a deadline. So we packed everything ourselves - and made about 15 trips total with her car.

Despite our best efforts, about 8 pieces of furniture were either too heavy for us to lift, too bulky to fit in her car, or just plain in danger of being destroyed if we were to attempt it ourselves. Our new landlord recommended a mover for us, who was nice enough to give us a rate of $100 an hour for 3 guys and a truck. Having just put a bajillion dollars down for first, last and security deposit, I was dead broke, so I made darn sure that every piece of furniture was ready to go. Yeah, they took their sweet time. Four hours later, I was just about in tears - $400, plus my roommate had tipped them $50 - EACH. Really, I'm a good tipper, but that's INSANE. They're paid handsomely, a $20 under the table should have sufficed, especially since they were owners of the business.

While the movers had been moving our furniture in, we really couldn't keep an eye on them. They seemed like nice guys, and one was even an artist who picked up money through gigs like that, and we chatted for a while on the subject. So I trusted them. When I got inside and unpacked everything, including the boxes that were just laying around opened that we had brought in by car, I noticed that I couldn't find my iPod. Anywhere. I was certain I had thrown it in a specific box - because it was one of the last things to go.

Yes, I assumed the movers had stolen it. Everyone's heard a story like that. I had already had one stolen out of my car in July, and this was actually my OLD iPod - the pre-photo iPod, I think it was the second generation of them. I was desperately poor and coming off of the worst streak of luck I've ever had. It was the icing on the cake.

I couldn't prove it, so I never complained to the movers. I certainly sent bad vibes their way, though. I even recommended someone NOT use them, because of my experience.

Then, while cleaning out a box labeled "sewing stuff" - I hadn't had to sew anything in a year or so - I found the iPod.

I'm glad I didn't ever report it or accuse them of stealing it, but I do feel HORRIBLE now for having sent so much negative energy their way and recommending a person not use their services. While I still feel like it should NOT have taken four hours for 8 pieces of furniture to be transported ten blocks with already-secured-front-and-center parking, I still feel bad for that kind of karma going out when it was really my own damn fault for putting it in a different box and then never unpacking it.

They're only a local mover, but if you ever need a mover in Philly, I can recommend a nice - albeit somewhat slow - service for you.

Carsie Blanton's Belle of the Ball

What do you get when you combine the following?
...An acoustic guitar
...A fellow Native-Virginian-turned-Philadelphian
...A voice that makes you get out your Patsy Cline records
...And lyrics that ring truer than you've heard since...well, ever?

Well, you get Carsie Blanton's Belle of the Ball.


Just listen to this and tell me you don't want to go back in time and scream it to your 18, 21, or 26-year-old self. I dare you.

I saw her on a local TV show this past February and bought all of what she had on iTunes that day. I highly recommend it. She's gonna be a star, I tell you.

I'm really really bored on Saturday night.

I got this from a blog that I read pretty regularly - 20 questions that you should ask yourself every week on Sunday. I don't know how long I'll do this, but I'll bite for now.

1. What did I learn last week? – A few techniques on how to bite my tongue, how great those bra-strap headbands are for holding your hair back, and why I don't have to worry about criminals leaving my DNA at a crime scene after getting a blood transfusion from my donated blood.
   
2. What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week? – I finished and boxed Caroline's portrait. I also went walking for at least 3 miles every day.
   
3. Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why? – Sitting at the edge of the water on the beach in a chair, doing the New York Times Crossword. Most relaxed I've been in years.
4. What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week? – Get some income coming in.
   
5. What can I do right now to make the week less stressful? – Clean the house.
   
6. What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week? – The fact that I have no money.
   
7. What was last week’s biggest time sink? – Watching TV.
8. Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped? – Not really. I don't think I am, at least. Everything I have, I'm keeping.
9. What have I been avoiding that needs to get done? – Cleaning the house.
10. What opportunities are still on the table? – Ummm...nothing really professionally that I haven't accepted or declined already. In the boys department...I assume it's still on the table with the date from last week, but I manage to screw things up in unknown ways, so who knows.
    
11. Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to? – Beth. I can't come to her 30th Birthday and I need to call her and apologize even though I already replied via email.
    
12. Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’? – Melissa and her family.
    
13. How can I help someone else this coming week? – I don't know. Anyone have any suggestions?
    
14. What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years? – This is entirely too much to contemplate at midnight. It's a whole other post.
    
15. Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals? – See above.
    
16. What’s the next step for each goal? – See above.
    
17. What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week? – Getting back to work. If we can work it out, hanging out with that date from last week again.
18. What are my fears? – Overall? Trains, spiders, bees, drowning, being strangled, becoming a crazy lady with 10,000 cats, hating my next big decision.
    
19. What am I most grateful for? – Xanax, Chardonnay and cocaine. Just kidding! Laughter.
    
20. If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with? – people who love me and have nice things to say, Colonel Mustard, David Beckham and Dolly Parton. Becks because, well, he's pretty to look at. Dolly because she is goal #101.
    

Dumb thing I did #291623426

I came home from the shore, and despite being extremely exhausted, I cleaned my stuff out of my roommate's car. I was proud of myself.

I was also proud of myself because I've recently began to put my driver's license, debit card, insurance cards, grocery store cards and cash in my wallet and actually bringing my wallet when I go somewhere. Those of you that know me know that I'm famous for having these items floating loose around my bag, tied together with a hair-tie, or, in a true showcase of redneck roots, in a ziplock bag, also known as "my minimalist purse".

As I took more than one purse to the shore and packed rather haphazardly to come home - throwing stuff wherever it would fit - I ended up taking my wallet out of my last-used purse and putting it in the front seat with me for the drive home.

Melissa had to go to Delaware tonight for a wedding, and will probably not come home until late Sunday at the earliest. I have a check written to me that I need to deposit. We have nothing - I repeat NOTHING - to eat in our house. Seems like I'm in like Flynn - deposit check, go grocery shopping, nuff said. Nope. My wallet is STILL IN THE FRONT SEAT.

Now I'm sitting here cranky with myself - no money, no card, no food. I'm hungry. Goodness, I hope she gets home soon, because this small stash of peanut-butter-no-jelly, ham-no-burger won't last long.

AT&T Wireless has driven me to fits of rage and hypertension.

My friend Meghan recently posted about why Sears was her LEAST favorite company. I have to say, I was rather disappointed to hear of such service, especially since I know that while Meghan might stand up for herself when she's inconvenienced, she's very laid-back about the fact that "stuff happens". She was a sales rep once and knows that it's not the actual PROBLEM sometimes - the delay in delivery, the defective product, etc. It's how the company responds to it. The American public didn't get angry that Katrina happened (well, I'm kinda peeved that we invested so much in a city that was bound for destruction anyway, but whatever), we got angry at the government because they didn't respond to the problem in a manner that indicated they were aware that thousands of people were thirsty, hungry, trapped and dying.

I was disappointed in Sears because Sears has built a reputation on...well, their reputation. Sears started as a mail-order company that promised quality merchandise at a fair price and service that ensured the customer's satisfaction. The merchandise is still great - I'd venture to say that Craftsman tools are the best. Fair price, check - they've kept that up fine. But somewhere along the technology-enhanced way, they lost the third part of that. Meghan tells her blog audience, and suddenly, I'm hesitant about shopping with Sears myself. If you, as a business, can not respond to a customer problem in a satisfactory manner - which, in my estimation, might have been accomplished with a phone call early on that said "we're running way behind schedule, and we're getting there as fast as we can, but it might be really late - would you like to reschedule or would you like us to call you when we're nearby?" In her case, as well as the one I've got, a lot would have been accomplished if they'd just say "I'm sorry, we screwed up. We'll make it better, and we'll learn from this in the future, because we care about your experience."

My story?

AT&T, it is no wonder your company is a mere shell of what it used to be.

I got a great deal back in November to switch to AT&T wireless. I got a free Blackberry Curve (refurbished - just as good in my experience, I usually can't notice one difference between a new product and a refurbished) and they beat the price I had been paying at T-Mobile. T-Mobile had ZERO service at my home in Virginia, so I went with AT&T.

First of all, "network with the fewest dropped calls"? Bull-freaking-sheet. But that's neither here nor there.

About three weeks ago, I noticed a little hairline split in the ring around the Blackberry's trackball. I could have sworn it was there when I got the phone, and it seemed fine. Two days later, the ring fell off, as did the trackball. I couldn't scroll through anything without the trackball, but if I stuck the trackball back in, it would work, I just had to be careful and hold on to the trackball. I went into my AT&T store, hoping the techs could repair my phone by replacing that tiny little ring, which could then hold the trackball into the unit. They couldn't do it there, but the sales rep looked up my account and noted that it was still under warranty. He gives me a 1-800 number. I finally had the time the other day to call in to the warranty department.

I've spent 10-15 minutes waiting for a representative. One finally picks up. I describe the problem - I can not use the phone to do anything that requires scrolling, meaning email, internet, or looking up contacts in the address book. As contacts must be manually to the SIM card, I can't add anything to my SIM card either. I need them to send me a replacement ring and trackball (the trackball has disappeared by this point) and tell them this very politely.

AT&T Rep: "Well, let me see what I can do, I'm going to find an option that's 'in the best interest of you as a customer'"

This sounds dangerous. Well, not dangerous. Expensive.

Me: "can you just send me a replacement part?"

Rep: "we can't do that, we inspect the unit for physical damage and liquid damage, and if we find either of those, you'll be charged a fee for repair."

Me: "what's the cost of repair?"

Rep: "$349."

Me: "Isn't that how much the whole PHONE COSTS?"

Rep: "yes ma'am."

Me: "well, what's the definition of 'physical damage'?"

Rep: "if the product is physically damaged."

No kidding, idiot.

Me: "well, a warranty is an insurance policy. If you look in the back of the policy, it will define 'physical damage'"

Rep: "oh yes. OK, here it is - if there's pieces broken or missing, it's physical damage."

Me: "but it's a TEN CENT PIECE OF PLASTIC."

Rep: "I'm sorry ma'am. If you'd like, I can give you the address to send it to our repair center, it will take about 8-10 business days."

Me:"wait, in the meantime I have NO PHONE? I am self-employed - I CAN NOT go without my phone for ten days. And my blood pressure is SOARING right now because I am NOT paying $349 for you to replace a ten cent part. And by the way, what the H-E-double hockeysticks DOES that warranty cover?"

Rep: "I'm sorry ma'am, that's the rules. I don't know what exactly it covers but mainly like if it doesn't work or freezes up"

Me: "So wait. I can get a NEW phone for $349. Heck, I can get an iPhone for $199. DO YOU SEE THE STUPIDITY IN THIS?"

Rep: "I'm trying to look out for you as a consumer. It's 8-10 days, but it could be sooner."

Me: "Wait. I'm sitting here looking at my contract. It says I can QUIT my contract for about $145. Then I can go into Verizon, get a FREE phone, and transfer everything...why in the world would you want me to do that? Furthermore, I could go in and get a new iPhone for $199, an arguably BETTER phone - and manage to save $150 in the process, when all you have to do is replace a TEN CENT PIECE. Let me get this straight, do you REALLY want me to do this? Because I have no problem going straight to Verizon, I'd love an iPhone but I'm NOT going to continue with AT&T if this is the kind of asinine policy that you're going to have with me."

Rep: "hold on, let me talk to my boss."

Yeah, you talk to that boss. In the meantime, I'm about to burst a blood vessel. Rep comes back.

Rep: "I can authorize a swap-out for a new phone of the same kind. We're sending you a new one in the mail, just drop the old one in the mail when you transfer information and activate the new one."

THANK YOU. Did you HAVE to give me an aneurysm? Why do you even have that "policy" in the first place? Why can't you charge $20 or so to fix my phone, put a new ten cent piece and keep the $19.90 as a profit? I mean really, why is the "cost of repair" the same as "cost new"? Especially when these phones are literally worth about ten dollars in circuit boards and plastic. In my opinion, any of this could have been prevented with a simple "sure, lets swap it out." Did I have to show rage in order to get what any sane person would expect? Seems like they have to make you cry before they give you any sort of leeway.