Yep, I'm definitely a dog person.

I had to wait until I could find a cord before I could post this.

Because there was a dog on my head.

Even moving enough to take the picture made him cranky. He wanted to STAY on my head.

Let me back this up. I went outside tonight to throw trash in the public cans. I don't like throwing broken glass in our cans, because if I ever have to clean it myself, I'll cut my hands. I know. But at any rate. So I'm outside. It's beautiful out. When I come back to my house, I sit on my stoop and who should come up to visit but a little tabby cat. He sits down next to me. I discover he's owned. Like as in he has a tag and a collar and even a BELL. It's 1:00 am, and it's too late to call the number on the tag.

Impasse.

Leave the cat out there or take it in?

It's late. Drunks are driving. South Street. No one stops for cats if they hit them. Philly drivers don't even stop when they hit PEOPLE. This cat was in the street ten seconds ago. There's alley cats (who are perfectly okay on their own) out. This cat is declawed. In my mind, this is like turning me loose in North Philly with no money and no phone - the thug alley cats will inevitably EAT this declawed cat alive.

BUT.

I'm allergic to cats. My roommate hates cats. Hell, I do, too. We have no cat food. No litter box. Cat pee smells really bad. Colonel Mustard has rarely even seen cats. And finally, being single at 28, I am not taking any chances that I could become the crazy cat lady.

And then my friend April, who is just as opinionated as me, springs into my mind. April is like five bajillion months pregnant right now, her husband is not coming to the US until probably AFTER the baby is born, and she's seriously cyber-collecting to get $1000 to bring her cat over from New Zealand. If I could give her any, I'd contribute. If any of you want to help my barefoot-and-pregnant best friend from high school get her kitty over here to help her feel better, I will send a link to send funds via paypal to anyone that asks. I kinda owe her. Really. When we were in high school, we got in a fight over something I don't recall, she went off to work at a camp and LITERALLY ALMOST DIED in an accident where she fell like 20 million feet. Yes, I was thinking "oh my god it was my fault". But she lived and is better. More importantly, directly because of it, I apologized to my cousin Laura before she got on a plane, after we got in a tiff in Iowa - I kid you not, purely because April sprung into my brain. Laura and I cried in the airport (a little drunk) and said we loved each other, blah blah blah...seems great, but Laura died a year later. That time in the airport was the last time I saw her. If not for April's little Sally Field face springing in my brain, I'd never have forgiven myself.

So when April haunted me I figured it was best to pay attention.

Little did I know.

The cat and Colonel Mustard are fighting like...well, cats and dogs. Colonel was actually excited for a friend. This cat, however, is VICIOUS. He comes in the house and runs straight for the Colonel with a strong, evil HISS. The dog just looks...hurt. Like I've taken in the Bad Seed. The cat camps out and keeps rubbing against my legs. I'm not interested. Oh, he WANTS to be petted. He's nice to ME. The dog, however, is not kitty's friend. He's crying like I've taken him to Michael Vick's house to play with Cujo. He's SCARED. Honestly, so am I. If the cat weren't declawed, I'd kick him out. But since he's defenseless, April haunts me.

And now here we are. The cat is ruling the house, and the dog is relegated to the couch, literally scared to the point where he's sitting ON MY HEAD.

Is this how my friends felt when they brought their second child home from the hospital? Well, not the resentment of the second child thing, but the worry over what the firstborn will do to react?

I have to go to bed now. My throat is closing up because of this furball.

April, can we call it even? I'll even fall off a tree if that's what it takes, this cat is driving me nuts. Please, though - don't haunt me through cats.