Good Golly Miss Miley

Oh, Miley.

I wake up this morning and THE breaking story is about RACY PICTURES OF MILEY CYRUS and how there's OUTRAGE and parents have NO IDEA what to tell their children. Turns out Annie Leibowitz, during a photo shoot of the Cyrus clan, took a picture of Miley-slash-Hannah Cyrus-Hyphen-Montana, only for Disney to get their panties in a bunch because the photo was too racy. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the ultra-scandalous photo in question:Yeah. That's it. Homegirl needs to wash her face and eat a sandwich, but as far as outrage...

Be outraged about something else. How about genocide in the Sudan? That's an outrage-worthy situation. If you reeeeeally want to be outraged about the life of a 15-year-old girl, pick on something like Jessica-Simpson's-Dad-in-Training Billy Ray Cyrus' creepy comment on Oprah that he "just wants to be Miley's best friend". Or the fact that Miss Miley is on the most annoying show this planet has ever produced. But outrage over THAT photograph? Oh jeez.

One of the most comical things about this whole much-ado-about-nothing is Disney's reaction to the photographs, which probably prompted Miley's mea culpa, er, disclaimer regarding the photo shoot and resulting work. I love Disney and all, but really - does anyone else remember that Disney is where Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan started their careers? If I were a gambler, I'd go for the Under on the time it would take for photographs to surface of Miley Cyrus face down in the cocaine-covered lap of a Jonas Brother. Hell, if I were in the pharmaceutical business, I'd be running a cocaine pipeline directly into Disney studios, it'd be way more efficient than keeping dealers on retainer. They may pride themselves on family entertainment, but let's be honest - it ain't the man and the mouse anymore.

When I got my tattoo touched up, there was a guy in the parlor getting a pretty bad-ass tattoo - across his chest was the lettering "THE BEST-LAID PLANS"....man, if that doesn't speak volumes about parents pushing their kids into entertainment, nothing does. I'd love to think that these kids could come out all peachy and rosy and drug-free, but hey, that's not even possible in suburbia these days. Dad quits his job to move the fam to L.A. and help Susie McCuteAsAButton further her "career", becomes her manager, then when the family cash cow figures out that she's the primary breadwinner and blows it all on drugs and thousand-dollar purses, no one is more shocked than her parents. Seems like a good plan at the time, but when you're shelling out $25,000 a day for rehab for a 14-year-old, it ain't worth it.

I don't think this stupid picture is anything to write home about - if you don't believe me, go check out the pictures that 15-year-olds are posting of themselves on myspace. But here's a piece of advice - if Annie Leibowitz, Jeffrey Katzenberg or anyone else comes knocking at your door to make your kid a star, do yourself a favor and SHUT THE DOOR.

Your kid's cute, but it ain't THAT cute.