Monday, June 30, 2008

Don't you know that I'm toxic?

I apologize for paraphrasing a Britney-at-the-beginning-of-her-insanity song, but I was trying to think of a clever title for the fact that I'm now convinced that I'm carrying around toxic stuff. Maybe it's my gullibility, maybe it's the fact that I fell asleep during the Kinoki Foot Pads commercial, or maybe it's the fact that for the past month, vegetables have been unknown to me and I haven't eaten one piece of chicken that wasn't frozen and shaped like a star. Whatever. I just know that my body isn't loving its current state. I'm tired all of the time, I crave sugar nonstop, I hate the way I look, and I haven't had nearly the energy levels I've had in recent years. Don't worry - I know that I'm not, in any sense of the words, fat or overweight. I just eat crap. There's no "sickness" in the true sense of the word; I had an MRI last October, so I know I don't have some softball-sized tumor lurking in me, I'm just - for lack of a better word - unhealthy.

So what's a skinnyfat kid to do?

I'm thinking of going on a toxic cleanse. I don't think I can handle spicy lemonade for 14 days straight like Beyonce did - while she can do whatever method works for her, I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm just trying to feel better, start craving the good foods, cut back on the caffeine, sugar and alcohol, and get the body working like it should.

Anyone ever tried one of these things? Have any advice? I have a Whole Foods, a SuperFresh, and about four farmers' markets within a half-mile of me (I'm really going to miss that about Philly!) so I know I can find the foods I'm supposed to eat. I still have a few obstacles though, and I'd love to know what I can do to combat them.

1. I take medication that has a reaction with Vitamin C, or more specifically, Ascorbic Acid. It doesn't do anything harmful, but it decreases the effectiveness of the medication, and I really need that stuff to work. So I can't really be tearing into things like citrus fruit, pineapple and the like. Not to mention I always get canker sores from them. Sorry to be dodgy about what the meds are, but I gotta keep a few things in this world off the internet.

2. I am not a huge fan of vegetables. I want to be, I really do. But I'll never be able to eat broccoli or sweet potatoes without a gag reflex. I DO like the following: asparagus, green beans, spinach, raw carrots (not cooked), lettuce (I know, no nutritional value, but it's green), tomatoes, and a couple other randoms. I like just about any fruit, but I'm not crazy about pears.

3. I can't cook. Okay, I CAN, I just don't LIKE to. And my microwave is broken. I need some way to find convenient, healthy foods, even when I'm sick to death of fresh fruit.

4. I really want to eat organically, local and CHEAP. My grandmother has had health problems most of my life that she often attributes to things like artificial flavors/colorings, pesticides and other toxic things in food, and I don't want to end up having to be super-careful and hermit-like as she's been forced to do in recent years. I already encounter toxic chemicals with painting that are literally banned in several states - I'm not taking any more chances. As for the "eating local" part, I just kind of want to do it because I think it's the right thing to do. It saves fuel (transporting tomatoes from Chile in January consumes a lot of fuel) and over time in the aggregate, it reduces farmers' dependence on subsidies as well as lowers the cost of food.

5. While I'm on the "better for the world" trip, I'd like to eat meat-free every once in a while - but I don't want to miss it. I had a high school teacher tell us once about why he was a vegetarian, and it had nothing to do with animal rights. The United States produces the lion's share of the world's grain crop, and in fact, the amount of grain we produce is enough to feed the world. That's right, we could eliminate hunger. But instead of consuming a pound of grain, we feed that pound - plus thousands more - to a cow or chicken that provides us with far fewer pounds of meat. While I love meat, I don't think I absolutely need to be that selfish at every meal. I'm thinking that so much meat isn't really good for us anyway, so if you know of ways I can eat meat-free and still get my protein, holla.

6. I love coffee, sugar, fat and all that jazz. How in the WORLD can I give it up for a couple weeks without hating my life?

7. Finally, I need to know WHY it's benefitting my body. I'm not going to be one of those people that denies common sense - I mean, twinkies haven't ever killed anyone directly, but I'm smart enough to know that they're not gonna make me a dancing granny. But I think half our problem in the whole obesity epidemic has been the fact that we don't look at the science behind things we take as gospel - low-fat, low-carb, grapefruit diets are my prime examples.

Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Am I completely stupid for trying one of these things? Anyone done one before? Have a recommendation for a particular plan or type of cleanse? I'd love to know what to expect.

***Edit: No, I am not talking of those "colon cleanse" things you see on the internet. I poo just fine, I eat yogurt and everything. I'm talking about the whole-body thing. Actually I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I'm not talking about the cleanse where you go from the train not leaving the station to a Richter-Scale-worthy rumbling tummy.****

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Uga VI: one last time between the hedges on his way to heaven.

I know people may say this is kind of stupid to be sad over, but I was on the verge of tears when I heard that Uga VI, the beloved mascot at the University of Georgia, died this weekend. He was over 10 years old (bulldogs don't usually live beyond that), and he was a full 20 pounds heavier than his father, so his passing away of a heart attack shouldn't have been a surprise.

But it was. I don't know if another Uga has died while "in office", but I still remember when Uga V passed the reins down to his son. I still stop and pet bulldogs every time I see them on the street, and I came thisclose to adopting one myself before I was lucky enough to rescue Colonel Mustard. Alumni of UGA always take pride in our mascot. Uga V was the first mascot to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated (after being named "Best Mascot" in the "America's Best Jock Schools" issue) and was in the movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" (his daddy, Uga IV, was in the book), Uga VI was the first bulldog to wear a black jersey, and Uga III was the first and only animal ever allowed into the athletic club that awards the Heisman Trophy. He was escorting Herschel Walker, after all. Finally, Uga, as well as his Daddy and Grandpappys, are the only mascots that are buried at the stadium for which they served. Funeral is tomorrow.

Uga VI's reign started my junior year of college - I can't believe it's been almost ten years since then. It's kind of the latest of so many things that have disappeared and made Athens nearly unrecognizable to those that remember the Glory Days: things like Vince Dooley, Keg Parties, Blue Sky, the Grit, Alcohol on North Campus on Game Day, Bid Day Insanity...and now Uga VI. Uga VII's got some big pawprints to fill. I know he'll do it.

I feel awful for the Seiler family, as they've always emphasized that above all, Uga is a member of their family. They may get great parking spaces and mentions in books like "Midnight", but they put up with a lot of gawkers and picture seekers - all because of their dog. Now they have to grieve their family member in public. I hope they are getting through this as best they can.

Good night Uga, you were a damn good dog. Go getcha some gator meat up in heaven.

Goal in Progress: #94.

I've been working on my 101 goals list, and here's one:

94: Organize blogs for effectiveness.

Jeez, I didn't even use effectiveness when writing that one goal. There's lesson #1. I meant to say to organize and separate into shorter, more focused blogs, but whatever. I knew what I was talking about. So I did it. I've got a few.

1. Ooh, Look at That!
Reviews. Stuff I like. Stuff I love. Stuff I want. Stuff I bought. If you have ideas of things for me to review, let me know.

2. See Molly Go
Travel. Where I've been, where I want to go, stories that result.

3. Are we up to code yet?
My ongoing adventure with renovating the house in Lynchburg. My editor saw the pictures of it and wanted me to write on it. I think it's because he is in the process of renovating his own urban space, but I'll bite.

I'll update them soon, let me know if you need a link!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Dr Pam Spurr is a total idiot.

I want to punch this stupid stupid woman in her face. Yes, Dr Pam Spurr, that's you. I want to kick you in the teeth. You have no idea what you're talking about.

For the record: I am 28. I am single. I am happy and content. I love my life. I love my job more than is probably legally permissible. I have fantastic friends in almost every state in the union. I have the world's greatest dog. I look fabulous (well, 99% of the time).

Yet, for some reason, Dr. (sic) Pam Spurr is convinced that because I don't have some asshole husband to cook for and wash the skidmarks out of his drawers, I am, by definition, unhappy.

I'm so livid I can't even write this.

More on this later.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Quote of the Day

“God gets pissed off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice.”

-Alice Walker's The Color Purple

Inspiringly beautiful

My best friend from high school, April, just had her first child the other day (his mamma is a child of an Army Officer, so like a good military baby, he came right on the due date!) and I finally got some pictures. I already knew he'd be adorable, but he is absolutely beautiful.

Congratulations to April and Rob, and I can't wait to meet little Anakin Aotea. I looked up the names and got Annakin as an American origin, meaning "warrior". Aotea is the word for the canoe in which the Maori people came to their native New Zealand. I find both names super-appropriate for him - his mother's a fiesty little American, and his dad's of Maori descent. What a great and unique name.





Thursday, June 26, 2008

Contest! Guess the magazine

I liked Meghan's little contest regarding their recent gift subscription of Garden & Gun, so I thought I'd hold one of my own. By the way, I read two complete issues of G&G while in Charlotte, and it is, in fact, a very good magazine. This magazine isn't quite so clever with the title, but it's a good magazine nonetheless. I recently re-subscribed (my friends don't randomly send me magazine subscriptions like the Holbrooks do, but then again, the Holbrooks' friend who sent them that one is certainly a unique person, so I'm guessing that relatively few people out there get such unique gifts!) to this magazine after letting it lapse for a few years, and my newest issue has made me thankful I decided to give myself 12 months of reading fun.

Here's some hints:
-It has recipes (let's be honest - I'm not really going to use them), reviews of restaurants and events for a very big geographic area, great photographic essays, and in-depth articles on current events from their own perspective.
-I was DELIGHTED to see this month's cover.
-There's a great piece this month from the perspective of a soldier who served in Iraq.
-I immediately ran out and bought a book about books after reading its review in the magazine. Literally put the magazine down and went to Borders.
-Fashion is a little sparse, but I'm dying to know who makes a certain pair of shoes I saw in a photograph accompanying one of the stories.
-One of the most entertaining articles I read this month was about the anniversary of a film closely tied to the magazine's demographic. This film was passed down in my sorority in the annual senior wills, though I suspect relatively few will admit they've ever seen the film.

Any guesses? I feel like this is an easy one for people who know me.

The prize is pretty good on this one!

Pleasant Surprises...

I'm back in Philly. Though I'm all but done with this city, it's nice to get home.

I've started to note the pleasant surprises I encounter in my life - I'm thinking it will improve the overall happiness level of myself and others.

A few pleasant surprises today:

1. Charlotte has free WiFi in its airport. I haven't traveled too often in the past year, but I didn't remember seeing free WiFi in any major airport in recent years. Kudos to the Queen's City.

2. Delta has gained about 10,000 cool points in my book. My flights were on time, they served REAL snacks (peanuts and cheese and crackers), had TV on demand, and my bag even made my connection - I had assumed it would not since I was a standby passenger with an ultra-narrow connection window. I also got to watch Delta's Safety Video, starring Judd Davis and co-starring the second-most glamorous flight attendant ever. First place goes to Cara Kenney - she must not have been available when they were casting.

3. I came home to $475 in checks and cash that had come in the mail for me, with another $400 due this week. My roommate also left me some money that I had actually forgotten she owed me. Holla!

4. I also found a magazine in the mail. I'll hold a contest for you to guess which one it is.

5. The house was super-clean when I arrived. The feeling of walking into a clean house is second to none!

6. I realized that I haven't had a cigarette in 5 days.

7. I sold a painting without having to negotiate terms or price.

YAY!

6. I

Yeah, he might not ever call me again now.

I'm one disaster after another these days. Just a barrel of embarrassment.

I went to Charlotte Tuesday so I could fly home to Philly. I stayed with Meghan last night, and we had a few adult beverages while discussing many many girl topics. As we prepared to retire, I got a text message from the ever-hilarious Maverick, who was out in Dallas celebrating the fact that he is on the summertime tax lawyer schedule, which basically entails drinking massive amounts of alcohol.

Incoming message from Mav:
"Molly I've found the woman of my dreams in the bar"

Maverick, as you all know, is not a person to find the woman of his dreams at all, let alone in a bar. He's quite possibly the biggest player the world has ever seen, and will likely be the George Clooney of tax lawyering - he'll be the eternal bachelor. I laugh, because he says this every so often purely as a joke. I hit "reply", giving him my standard reply of:

"yeah, you suck, I know your story."

I then wonder for a while why he doesn't respond to me. He's usually good for a couple of jabs. An hour passes and I think that maybe he HAS found the woman of his dreams. I go to sleep, forgetting about the whole matter. When I wake up this morning, I checked my phone and notice that he still hasn't texted me back. I wonder if my reply even sent, so I check my outgoing messages.

And then I see it.

In my slightly-tipsy state, I accidentally hit "compose" instead of "reply". As Blackberry remembers your last phone call's recipient, it automatically selected THEM instead of Maverick to receive my text message. I obviously didn't pay attention and sent it to the wrong person.

Remember how I said that I'd inevitably screw it up with the guy that Meghan set me up with? Yep, that was the recipient. I fired off an apology immediately, which he kind of laughed off, but who knows...

He may already think I'm crazy.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I'm still alive, I promise...

I'm back in Charlotte right now, I'm here to say good-bye to the south and get on a plane tomorrow to take me back to Philly. Sad to leave, because I've been in the 'burg for a month solid now, but I'm definitely excited to get back to work. I wasn't able to paint at ALL while I was in Lynchburg, although I got some work done on Charlotte's portrait. I'm not too crazy about it right now, but I'm working on it. A couple of people said it was pretty good, but I'm trying to get it done as soon as possible so that Carrie and Judd don't look at it and say "um, that picture was taken forEVER ago...she's much bigger now." I'm hoping to get it, as well as Caroline's, off to their respective parents by the weekend.

So...my biggest problem's going to start mounting up here. Moving. Have to move ALL my stuff from Philly to Lynchburg soon. Going to try and sell my couch and big-screen to make it easier, but the reality is just that I just don't have the manpower to do it. Have no idea how this thing is going to come together, but I guess it'll just come down to faith in the matter.

All righty, I'm getting in that cranky kind of mood, so I'm going to check out now and check out everyone else's blogs.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I'm tired and filling out a survey.

I'm still recovering from a nice little partied-til-5-am hangover, so I'm not going to do anything except this mindless little survey that I stole from my friend Ryan.

-[ ZERO]
Who was your last text from?
-- Meghan and Matt's friend Eric. Regarding his coming to Lynchburg tomorrow. (Cue the "WHAT?!?! Why haven't you told me yet, Molly?!?"...I'm hung over, I literally haven't gone downstairs all day since I got home at 5:30 am, sorry! Call me if you want to have an update ;)

-[ ONE] Where was your profile pic taken ?
-- My profile picture was taken at a place called the Music Farm in Charleston, SC. My brother was a bartender there and when I visited, somehow I ended up behind the bar hanging out, probably to keep me away from boys. The little thing written on the wall says "must be this tall to ride" and I thought it was really funny.

-[ TWO ] What' s your middle name?
-- Epes.

-[ THREE] what are you doing tomorrow?
-- cleaning my dad's house up, then giving the tour of LynchVegas, then probably meeting a few friends at the local bar for beers and shuffleboard, then to the legendary T-Room for a cheesy western all the way, bowl all the way and a hot walking, and a glass of the James to wash it down. By Tuesday morning, another person in this world will be thrilled to know what all that means.

-[ FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
-- My cousin Laura when I was 24, my friend Sarah when I was 22.

-[ FIVE] What is your current mood?
-- A little hungover, a little heartburny, but excited about playing tour guide.

-[ SIX] What are one of your best friends' names?
-- Last night, it was Bud Light and Jack Daniels. Today, it's my bed. Ok really? The term "best friend" kinda gets on my nerves. It's very "the Hills", because that chick has like 20 best friends. I have good friends. I choose not to rank them. But if I had to call ONE person to help me move a body, it'd probably be Kate.

-[ SEVEN ] What' s your favorite color(S)?
-- My job involves picking color. I can not be bound to one favorite.

-[EIGHT] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
-- I've often debated that, but I wouldn't be who I am today without having gone through what I did. And I'm so freaking cool, it's not even funny. So probably not.

-[NINE] Have a crazy side?
-- A more appropriate question might be whether or not I have a sane side.

-[TEN] Ever had a near death experience?
-- The one that comes to mind was when I was caught in a blizzard in Boston's Beacon Hill after class and I just had stupid high heels on. I had to walk forever to the T and I thought I wouldn't make it and I would sit down and just freeze to death. Then the only cab I've ever seen in a snowstorm in Boston pulled up.

-[ELEVEN] Something you do alot?
-- Stick my proverbial foot in my mouth.

-[TWELVE] Angry at anyone?
-- kind of. A friend of mine who seems to lose his temper way too often.

-[THIRTEEN] What's stopping you from going to the person you like-(♥)?
-- My hangover is stopping me from just about everything right now.

-[FOURTEEN] When is the last time you cried?
-- Last night, see question 12.

-[FIFTEEN] Who would you do anything for?
-- A lot of people. I'm a very helpful person to my friends from what I hear.

-[SIXTEEN] Why did your last relationship end?
-- Officially, because he dumped me. But considering the fact that he had cheated on me repeatedly and the way he treated me like complete crap, it should have ended far earlier.

-[SEVENTEEN]How old are you?
-- 28.

-[EIGHTEEN]When was the last time someone gave you flowers?
-- Never. I have never had a boyfriend send them to me. I have the world's biggest collection of unromantic boyfriends. I guess it's not a big deal, but DUDE. How is it that I'm TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD and that's never happened?

-[NINETEEN] What kind of phone do you have?
-- Blackberry Curve. I really want an iPhone. I'm very jealous of Meghan's.

-[TWENTY]Who do you trust most?
-- myself.

-[TWENTY-ONE] Do you still watch kiddy movies/shows?
-- not really.

-[TWENTY TWO]Last person you kissed initials were?
-- PD. My friends who know will be super disappointed in me. Won't happen again, ever, so it's been a while.

-[TWENTY- THREE ] Do you speak any other languages?
-- Pig Latin.

-[TWENTY- FOUR] How long have you known your best friend?
-- Since she was born. I was 3.

-[TWENTY- FIVE] Describe your life in one word?
-- Insane.

-[TWENTY- SIX] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
-- I haven't even gotten flowers, what makes you think that said boyfriends would have ever done something that "Breakfast at Tiffany's"?

-[TWENTY- SEVEN ] What are you thinking about right now?
-- Where I can go to get ice cream or a milkshake.

-[TWENTY- EIGHT ] What should you be doing right now?
--Writing.

-[TWENTY- NINE] What is your favorite memory?
-- There's a few...Watching the sun come up over the Parthenon after celebrating with a gold-medalist during the Olympics in 2004 was pretty amazing. Seeing Michelangelo's David. The Cinque Terre. Graduating from graduate school. But then there's the little stuff - late nights of beers in the pizza place I worked in when I was 23. Eating at the T-Room at 3 am. Tailgating at Georgia games. Sitting on rocking chairs with Mav at my house in college.

-[THIRTY] What are you listening to?
-- Ice Truckers on the history channel

-[THIRTY- ONE] Who was the last person you told I love you to?
-- I have no idea, but I remember saying it the other day to a friend of mine, I just don't remember WHO. I was drunk.

-[THIRTY- TWO] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
-- See question 12.

-[THIRTY- THREE ] Do you act differently around the person you like?
-- I literally can not shut up if I'm around a guy I like.

-[THIRTY- FOUR] What is your natural hair color?
-- Blonde. I about smacked the crap out of a doubter the other day.

-[THIRTY- FIVE] Who was the last person to make you smile?
-- Hmmm....probably Eric, the guy who's coming to take the LynchVegas tour. He went to see a Journey cover band and told me about it and it made me laugh.

Monday, June 16, 2008

One last attempt on the travel madness...

I hadn't thought of this until Cara and I were just now talking (yes, I can blog while I am talking on the phone, they even say this is a phenomenon that exists amongst our generation - the ability to multitask across a bajillion things) and she suggested I ask around.

First of all, I'd like to express my minor disappointment that one of my best friends in the whole world (yes, you, Miss Cara Lyn Kenney) is a flight attendant and has used up all of her buddy pass privileges for a while and never seems to make friends at work. Oh, so what, you're getting your 5,000+ member family from Hawaii for your sister's wedding. Your BFF is a starving artist and has to go home to pack.

But I'll forgive you. One day.

Anyway.

If anyone knows anyone who works for an airline and might have an available buddy pass, I am in need of one. I normally pay my own way like the other 99% of Americans, but hey, I'm a little desperate because I'm poor.

Why I'm deserving of a buddy pass:
1. I can carry everything on.
2. I weigh less than 100 lbs, so the airline would not be consuming extra fuel to transport me.
3. I promise not to have a soda in flight, because airlines are looking to cut costs.
4. I promise to buy fashion magazines and give them to my flight attendants when I am done with them before I get off the plane, because my getting-close-to-FORMER close friend says that it makes her day when people do that on her route.
5. I promise to obey the rules of buddy-passing: say Ma'am and Sir after every question asked, sit in whatever row I'm told, and dress up to get on the flight. I'll put on a prom dress if that's what you want.
6. If necessary, I will ride in the cargo hold, overhead carrying bin, or lap of the pilot.

What I can offer in return:
1. My first-born child, although my still-out-there-in-this-world-and-unknown-to-me future husband may have an issue with this - let's be honest, I'm gonna produce some good-lookin' babies, and he might want that first one, especially if its a boy.
2. A beautiful portrait of any buddy-pass-benefactor's child for FREE in pastel and/or charcoal. Oils at the cost of materials and labor that exceeds the pastel/charcoal medium.
3. My undying love and gratitude.
4. The dedication in my first novel, currently in the very-rough-outline-slash-manuscript-but-still-barely-thought-up form of about 150 sheets of legal paper, 250 index cards and about one Gigabyte of computer space.
5. Baby-sitting services. I'm good, I'm helping in running a minor summer camp this week, and no one's gotten sunburned or had to go to the hospital yet.
6. Tax services! I did it for extra money in grad school, and though two of the people whose returns I prepared were audited (yes, randomly selected), BOTH of their auditors actually said I did a great job and no one's headed down the Wesley Snipes/Richard from Survivor/Willie Nelson route.
7. If you need me to help you move, I will.
8. If you need me to help you move a body, I will.
9. A big hug.

Anyone? I don't think I know one person anymore other than Cara who has survived the airline layoffs, so I'm figuring this is a waste, but worth a shot and at least entertaining to the masses. On a side note, that was the AWESOME part of living in Atlanta - you could ALWAYS find people who worked in the airlines. Lynchburg...it's a little more scarce with these sorts of things. Darn it!

By the way - I don't care what airline. You can put me on Donner Party Air's Uruguayan Rugby Team flight for all I care, as long as the airline can get me to Philadelphia from any airport near me. I'd be okay on that flight because I'm not particularly marbled, and therefore not very flavorful. If I'm on a buddy pass, I can afford to pay my parents/whoever to take me to Charlotte if that's the only airport whatever airline around me flies out of.

Yes, Cara, I still love you.

Update...

I'm at my Dad's lake house this week for a couple of days. So far, it's been a lot of fun, but a lot of work. My sister (she's 14) has about 8 friends up here with her, and I'm kind of pitching in and helping out my dad and his fiancee with the ins and outs of making sure 9 kids are fed, in bed, and not drowning. It's harder than you think.

This, along with a few other experiences of late, have convinced me that I DO, in fact, have a maternal bone in my body, which is a relief. I was a little afraid before that I wouldn't have that fear of kids getting hurt; a fear that translates into the covering of sockets, the avoiding feeding them too much sugar, and the remembering to order kids to put on life jackets and seatbelts. So there you go - I do, in fact, have some sort of maternal instinct. My uterus will just be blissfully unaware of it until I am good and ready to feel exhausted for the rest of my life.

I was a little skeptical of the whole idea at first. I was a lifeguard briefly when I was younger, as well as a swimming instructor, so I know that kids, by and large, will always take risks; risks that are inherently terrifying when it comes to water. Kids will always take risks like this in groups that they would never consider when alone or with one other kid. Moreover, I'm haunted by the story of a guy from my hometown who recently broke his neck when he jumped into a body of water that had, unbeknownst to him, been affected by drought - he dove into a foot and a half of water from a significant height. Hearing that heartbreaking story, along with countless others from the lake and from my days in insurance, yeah, I was a little worried. Luckily, the edge of our dock is a good 20 foot depth, and even better, these kids are appropriately cautious, but it's still a little nerve-wracking to see them jumping off heights and running on the dock.

But so far, it's been a good experience. They're all well-behaved, and save for their love of loud karaoke, they're enjoyable kids. The only injury has been when I had to dig a splinter out of a girl named Shelby's foot. I didn't think she'd get it if I started the Steel Magnolias monologue where Sally Field goes "Open your eyes, Shelby. Open your eyes..." when Julia Roberts is in the hospital bed. I'm even getting to bed on time so that I'll wake up early and go running (I'm trying, Meghan), so I'm on a roll here.

But at any rate.

I'm also discovering the things I'm NOT necessarily so crazy about in Lynchburg. Well, one in particular. Lynchburg is a fairly large city (about 100,000 people, which is bigger than Athens, actually), and its a beautiful area, surrounded by mountains, lakes and just general prettiness. But it's out in the middle of nowhere.

Actually, no. It's on the FAR side of nowhere. You first have to drive THROUGH the middle of nowhere in order to get to Lynchburg.

This isn't SO bad, but if you're trying to get OUT - without a car - you're a little stuck. I've got to go back to Philly next week some time, and I've been researching options. My best (read: cheapest) option at this point is to actually FLY out. However, since Lynchburg's airport is approximately the size of a silver dollar, I had to click "include surrounding airports". I also gave a big old window of when I could fly out so I'd save a little coin. I was thinking they'd point me to Roanoke or Charlottesville (both an hour away in different directions), or even possibly to Greensboro, North Carolina, which is an hour and a half away. My parents might be able to swing me down that way and not have it eat up a tank of gas and/or their whole day. Since my mom is generously taking Colonel Mustard for a couple of weeks while I wrap some stuff up and start packing in Philly, I figured I could easily get myself a cheap ticket and go home with ease.

What's my options?
Roanoke: $609.
Charlottesville: $792.
Greensboro: $898.

And my last? $109.
SCORE. I was all about to book it, and then I noticed - my nearest major airport that they consider "surrounding"? Charlotte. THREE HOURS AWAY.

I didn't book it.

I thought for a while, and while I'd love to go back to Charlotte, maybe wear out my welcome with the Holbrooks a little, and then get on my cheap flight to go back to Philly, it's like darn near impossible without a car. My parents actually work for a living, so taking three hours to drive me down and then three hours to drive themselves home is a pain in the keester, not to mention a big old chunk of change for gas, for which I simply don't have the money to reimburse them.

So it's back to the drawing board.

I love drawing, but not THIS.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I only get FIVE?!?

My friend Drena asked what her friends' Celebrity Top Five Lists were the other day, which I found to be a little amusing considering the fact that I had always heard of these lists in a different context - that a married or committed couple agrees that if either one of them should ever have the opportunity to sleep with a person on their list, the partner has to forgive, and in fact, encourage the encounter. It was also funny considering that she's pregnant, and I was imagining these hormones running through her body making her pick five male - and five female - celebrities to sleep with in a fantasy world. Who knows, though - Drena always does everything she sets her mind to, so we may find a few celebrities in her guest bedroom from time to time. I kid!

Okay, so here's my top five.

1. Paul Walker.

I noticed him in "the Skulls"...a preppy little blonde boy rowing on a crew team? Oh yummy.

2. David Beckham.

Pure, unadulterated MAN. He could hug me and I'd probably get pregnant, that's how masculine he is. He plays soccer, loves his kids, isn't afraid to be a little different, and seems to be a genuine nice person.

3. Tom Brady.

I saw him from a distance once in Boston and I seriously might have peed my pants if he got any closer. And he's dating one of the most beautiful women in the world. I don't like the whole "dumped Bridget Moynahan about five seconds before she found out she was pregnant" thing, but hey, it doesn't make him any less beautiful. He is just gorgeous.

4. Chris Martin (lead singer of Coldplay)


Yes, Mr Gwyneth Paltrow himself. I normally go for the very preppy type - the frat-boy look: I know there is absolutely nothing sexier on a man than seersucker. But something about musicians pulls me back to the bad side every now and then. Guitar players? Nah. Overdone. But the PIANO...attention good-looking men: if you play a piano while wearing seersucker, you might want to get a preemptive restraining order from a crazed blonde girl - I will be unable to stop myself. I saw Coldplay in concert once and Chris Martin wore a black t-shirt and jeans - both old, faded and worn. Something about it just hit that creative-genius-and-devastatingly-sexy chord with me. Watch the video for "The Scientist", then watch "Fix You" - if you aren't attracted to this man after the stare at the camera in "The Scientist" and the sprint into the concert, the swing of the lightbulb into the audience and living in the music about halfway through Fix You, there might be something wrong with you. When Mav and I went to see them on the tour for X&Y, they closed with "Fix You" in the same way (lightbulb and everything, it's kind of a metaphor), and Mav just turned to me and goes "holy crap - that was so awesome, I'd really f**k him myself right now." This, coming from the straightest man I've ever met.
Even more attractive? Read the lyrics and then know that he wrote "Fix You" about his pledge to help his wife through depression after the death of her father.

5. Jude Law.

Jude Law belongs in a museum, he's that perfectly sculpted. When I was in figure drawing in college, I hated doing ones of men because women's bodies and faces are inherently easier to draw - they have natural curves that are intuitive to the artist's hand that I just can not explain. The human eye finds female bodies and faces inherently attractive - yes, of all shapes, sizes and kinds - but you get a male up there and you just...laugh. It's honestly and truly a chemical response. But Jude Law...he defies this. He has a perfect, symmetrical and angular face that I would honestly use as an evidence that God is an artist, and in fact, for the very existence of God - there's just no way that Jude Law just EVOLVED. He was CRAFTED.

It literally took me about four weeks to perfect this, and every time I tried to substitute another in, I didn't want to give up any of the above five for the substitute. Notice a pattern? Yeah, I do too. I don't think I've ever had one characteristic be common among every guy I've dated, but at the end of the day, the boys I reeeeeally go gaga for - as evidenced by my top five - are the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, slightly clean-cut types, and I seem to have something for English men. Call it a result of being a WASP, I don't know. I do know that my Dad had blonde hair in his wedding picture with my mom, and we're all natural blondes in my family (of varying shades), and I know that when I think of beautiful babies, I picture blonde hair and blue eyes, so it may be instinctual. I guess we are attracted to that which we find familiar.

Honorable Mentions:
-Robert Redford. Even now.
-John F. Kennedy Jr. (but alive). Stunning specimen of a man.
-Nate Berkus (but straight).
-Matthew McConaughey
-Sam Waterston - just his voice. He narrated Abraham Lincoln's letters in the Civil War documentary on PBS and it scares me that I found the whole thing incredibly sexy.
-

Chris Martin is back on my top 5.

Still listening to Coldplay's new album, still loving it.

Coldplay's tour dates:
Jul 23 2008 8:00P
United Center Chicago, Illinois
Jul 25 2008 8:00P
Wachovia Center Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Jul 27 2008 8:00P
Pemberton Festival Pemberton, British Columbia
Jul 29 2008 8:00P
Bell Centre Montreal
Jul 29 2008 8:00P
Bell Centre Montreal
Jul 30 2008 8:00P
Air Canada Centre Toronto, Ontario
Aug 2 2008 8:00P
XL Center Hartford, Connecticut
Aug 3 2008 8:00P
Verizon Center Washington, Washington DC
Aug 4 2008 8:00P
TD Banknorth Garden Boston, Massachusetts
Aug 9 2008 8:00P
Summer Sonic Osaka
Aug 10 2008 8:00P
Summer Sonic Tokyo
Sep 1 2008 8:00P
Zenith Strasbourg
Sep 2 2008 8:00P
SAP Arena Mannheim
Sep 4 2008 8:00P
Tony Garnier Hall Lyon
Sep 6 2008 8:00P
Palau St Jordi Barcelona
Sep 7 2008 8:00P
Palacio de Deportes Madrid
Sep 9 2008 8:00P
The Bercy Paris
Sep 12 2008 8:00P
Koln Arena Cologne
Sep 14 2008 8:00P
Colorline Arena Hamburg
Sep 15 2008 8:00P
O2 World Berlin
Sep 18 2008 8:00P
Stockholm Globe Theatre Stockholm
Sep 19 2008 8:00P
Spectrum Oslo
Sep 22 2008 8:00P
O2 Arena Prague
Sep 23 2008 8:00P
Budapest Arena Budapest
Sep 24 2008 8:00P
Stadthalle Vienna
Sep 26 2008 8:00P
Olympiahalle Munich
Sep 28 2008 8:00P
Hallenstadion Zurich
Sep 29 2008 8:00P
Palamagotti Bologna
Sep 30 2008 8:00P
Datchforum Milan
Oct 2 2008 8:00P
The Ahoy Rotterdam
Oct 4 2008 8:00P
Sportpalais Antwerp
Oct 20 2008 8:00P
Scotiabank Place Ottawa
Oct 21 2008 8:00P
Quicken Loans Arena Cleveland, Ohio
Oct 26 2008 8:00P
IZOD Center East Rutherfood, New Jersey
Nov 3 2008 8:00P
Palace of Auburn Hills Detroit, Michigan
Nov 7 2008 8:00P
Amway Arena Orlando, Florida
Nov 9 2008 8:00P
Bank Atlantic Center Ft Lauderdale
Nov 11 2008 8:00P
Philips Arena Atlanta, Georgia
Nov 13 2008 8:00P
Sprint Center Kansas City, Missouri
Nov 14 2008 8:00P
Xcel Energy Center St Paul, Minnesota
Nov 16 2008 8:00P
Ford Center Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Nov 18 2008 8:00P
Toyota Center Houston, Texas
Nov 19 2008 8:00P
American Airlines Center Dallas, Texas
Nov 21 2008 8:00P
Pepsi Center Denver, Colorado
Nov 22 2008 8:00P
Energy Solutions Arena Salt Lake City, Utah
Nov 26 2008 8:00P
Jobing.com Arena Phoenix, Arizona

FYI: I would give the following:
My right arm for Philadelphia Tickets.
My leg (either one) for the Boston Garden show.
My first-born for just about any outdoor venue.

Floor seats are key. Just watch this and trust me on this one.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Buy this album. Just do it.

I recently got ahold of an advance copy of Coldplay's Viva La Vida, which comes out on June 17th.

Love it. Better than X&Y, better than Parachutes, maybe not to the level of Rush of Blood to the Head, but close enough.

I really really really want to go see them this summer. If anyone wants to go, I'm in for floor seats.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

Facebook has changed the face of dating...

While I was at Meghan's this week, she noticed that my date and I set almost the entire thing up via text message, followed up finally by a short phone call to get the game plan together. She was a little shocked, and I realized that she had gotten married and left the dating world precisely when text messaging was beginning to take off. She never had to deal with dating with technology - outside of a phone call and a rare email. It occurred to me that technology has completely changed the way we date/mate/marry/interact.

This may seem ancient, but when I left for college, Caller ID was the wave of the future. We were only 20 years or so beyond answering machines, for crying out loud. When I moved into Creswell Hall, we had no access to Caller ID. Sophomore year, however, it all changed. Suddenly EVERYONE had Caller ID. I only bring this up because the traditional girl-stalks-boy methods were suddenly impossible. Have you called a boy multiple times and hung up when no one answered since Caller ID came into fashion? Nope. Now we have to leave a message. Do we call just to see if a female or male voice answers? Nope. We can't even act like we're calling the "wrong number" anymore. Prank calling is a thing of the past.

Dating really has changed since then. Think back - what was the relationship of the past?

1. Boy meets girl.
2. Boy calls girl, asks her out for coffee/dinner/drinks/whatever.
3. Plans are made, possibly confirmed, then boy shows up to pick her up at 8.
4. Boy drops girl off at her place after the date, says "I'll call you".
5. He calls her.
6. More of the same - talking/dating/sleeping together/engaged/married/babies.

It's all a simple process. However, in this modern day, the chain of communication has grown to a flow chart describing a process, rivaled in its complexity only by the Democratic National Committee's process for selecting a Presidential candidate.

1. Boy meets Girl.
2. Boy Facebooks girl.
3. Girl and Boy look at the friends of each other, trying to get a better idea of the crowd they run amongst.
4. Boy sends Girl a Friend Request.
5. Girl accepts Friend Request after a predetermined waiting period. If the Friend Request is accepted immediately, it may appear that she's "always on Facebook". This is essential, because Girl needs to keep the "I'm so rarely on Facebook" card in her pocket.
6. Girl looks boy up on Myspace. If he's a private page, she searches her own friends for friends of his, whereupon she will ask said mutual friend to let her see Boy's page. She does not Friend him on Myspace.
7. Boy Facebook IM's Girl.
8. Boy and Girl make sure their status messages do not make them look too available or too unavailable while they chat for a few weeks on Facebook.
9. Boy sends Girl an IM through AIM. This is huge. It's the new engagement ring.
10. Girl comments on Boy's Facebook Wall. For those of you who don't know, it's the human female equivalent of pissing on a fire hydrant. If he's talking to other girls, this may start a chain of Wall Comments that follow.
11. Boy sends Girl a forward he receives in regular old e-mail. Another huge step.
12. One drunken night, Girl text messages Boy. Boy responds the next day.
13. Text messaging has now replaced Facebook, AIM and Myspace, they might as well be living together - only they've NEVER been on a date. Finally, Boy asks Girl to meet up with him while he is out with others. He has forced his brahs to go out simply to appear as if they had already planned the outing, when Boy has actually orchestrated it simply to meet Girl in person.
14. They meet up. Shenanigans happen.
15. Boy finally calls Girl.
16. They become Myspace friends, despite the fact that both of them "never really use this anymore".
17. They date for a while, and Girl "notices" that Boy's status on his Myspace/Facebook says "single". She gets upset, even though she's noticed this since she met him. After the "define the relationship" talk, boy changes the status a short time later, silently praying that his brahs don't notice.
16. More of the same - talking/dating/sleeping together/engaged/married/babies.

All of this - and I repeat ALL of this - can happen in an odd order of things. I think I've had entire relationships purely through text message. I know people that have gotten dumped via text message. I know people who figured out that they were no longer dating only when they discovered that the person they were dating was "in a relationship" on Facebook...with someone else.

I don't mind text messaging, and actually, its both an icebreaker and a lifesaver for me sometimes. I didn't think twice when my date in Charlotte texted me.

That being said, sometimes I miss the good old days of communication. Dating seemed a whole lot easier.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Charlotte, NC: 60 hours, 3 margarita pitchers, one playdate and one REAL date.

I'm back in Virginia now after going to Charlotte for a few days, where I saw the lovely Holbrook Family. Had a great time, which I'll attempt to elaborate on here (sorry, my blackberry barely got out during the trip). I got there Sunday night, drank some wine with Meghan and chatted for a few bajillion hours, and we tried to turn in early. We went running Monday morning with her neighbor and friend, and I could not make it as far as they did, with about 200 yards left, I promptly...threw up. It happens when I run in heat - without fail. Yes, it was hot, we ran at 6:30 am and it was already at least 90 degrees in the shade. So we took the kids after breakfast and clean-up to the Air Conditioned field trip - the mall. We had lunch at Nordstrom Cafe, then went home for quiet time. Played after quiet time, played some more, ate dinner, played some more, and Matt got them bathed when he got home. At this point, we decided to fix Mollyritas and Meghanritas. With no MAJOR meltdowns (that I could detect), we clinked glasses "to bedtime"...Meghan went upstairs while they were mixing and read to and tucked in the kids. While I was downstairs cleaning up (I always feel like bedtime goes smoother with fewer out-of-routine things happening, so I let mom and dad do their thing around bedtime), I realized:

Kids are effing EXHAUSTING.

I said the same thing to both of them after they came back down: I don't know how you do it. Yes, they're great kids, are very cute, very fun to play with, very entertaining, and all that fun stuff, but seriously, you have to watch every second of everything they're doing. I knew this already - I mean really, I've babysat since I was old enough to pick a child up and our family is still bigger than Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt's little group home, so I got lots of experience - but I suddenly remembered things like the fact that you've got to pee with the door open, that naptime is just as important for Mom as it is for kids, and that there is nothing faster than a toddler going towards danger when adult backs are turned. While I was cleaning up every night, all I could think was this: it was EASIER than the normal routine - we could divide up the labor with me there helping Meghan - and they have to get up and do this AGAIN. EVERY DAY. I love kids and would love to have them, and I know that it's different when they're your own, but I'm always amazed at the world's most effective method of birth control - kids.

So Monday was all kids day, and Tuesday was looking to be the same - Caroline had a friend come over for a playdate, Meghan and the playdate-Mom and I chatted while we kept six eyes on three kids, alternating man-on-man play with a pure Zone Defense style of supervising. I got the feeling like playdates are also just as much for Mom as it is for the kids. We all had a lot of fun (pretend hot-dog party!) and the playdate left shortly before lunch. I thought we'd end up repeating the same sort of routine as Monday, but...

Molly got a dose of the single life again.

Meghan had said over the past year or so that she wanted to set me up with Matt's friend from college, and we had sort of "met" over facebook already. He called Meghan's house and came by right before quiet time, and he and I went out to lunch. Had some Mexican food, chatted, checked on his car that was in the shop (he had a rental) and he dropped me back off at the Holbrooks' a few hours later. We made some plans to do something later that night, and after the kids ate some chicken nuggets for dinner, he came back, picked me up, and we went out for a light dinner. A good time was had by all (well, I can't speak for him, but I had fun), and I went back to Matt and Meghan's house after we had some beers at the pub and got some sleep.

I left reeeeally early this morning to go back to Lynchburg, (I didn't want my departure to mess up their morning routine and I had no idea what traffic would be like), took the wrong turn FOUR times because of a lack of sleep (I kept driving South instead of North - Freudian slip?), turned my rental car back in, got into my mom's house and PROMPTLY passed out.

I had a great time all in all, and I'll post some pics as soon as I can locate a cord. I was really surprised at what a nice city Charlotte is, I was sort of reminded of Atlanta, ten years ago. We'll have to do it again soon, maybe the Atlanta peeps can drive three hours north and I can drive three hours south? Don't worry, Meghan, we'll go hotel rooms instead of you having to put us up.

I still have no idea how they do it...my back is still killing me from picking up a three-year-old and a surprisingly heavy one-year-old.

Off to find Advil.