One last attempt on the travel madness...

I hadn't thought of this until Cara and I were just now talking (yes, I can blog while I am talking on the phone, they even say this is a phenomenon that exists amongst our generation - the ability to multitask across a bajillion things) and she suggested I ask around.

First of all, I'd like to express my minor disappointment that one of my best friends in the whole world (yes, you, Miss Cara Lyn Kenney) is a flight attendant and has used up all of her buddy pass privileges for a while and never seems to make friends at work. Oh, so what, you're getting your 5,000+ member family from Hawaii for your sister's wedding. Your BFF is a starving artist and has to go home to pack.

But I'll forgive you. One day.

Anyway.

If anyone knows anyone who works for an airline and might have an available buddy pass, I am in need of one. I normally pay my own way like the other 99% of Americans, but hey, I'm a little desperate because I'm poor.

Why I'm deserving of a buddy pass:
1. I can carry everything on.
2. I weigh less than 100 lbs, so the airline would not be consuming extra fuel to transport me.
3. I promise not to have a soda in flight, because airlines are looking to cut costs.
4. I promise to buy fashion magazines and give them to my flight attendants when I am done with them before I get off the plane, because my getting-close-to-FORMER close friend says that it makes her day when people do that on her route.
5. I promise to obey the rules of buddy-passing: say Ma'am and Sir after every question asked, sit in whatever row I'm told, and dress up to get on the flight. I'll put on a prom dress if that's what you want.
6. If necessary, I will ride in the cargo hold, overhead carrying bin, or lap of the pilot.

What I can offer in return:
1. My first-born child, although my still-out-there-in-this-world-and-unknown-to-me future husband may have an issue with this - let's be honest, I'm gonna produce some good-lookin' babies, and he might want that first one, especially if its a boy.
2. A beautiful portrait of any buddy-pass-benefactor's child for FREE in pastel and/or charcoal. Oils at the cost of materials and labor that exceeds the pastel/charcoal medium.
3. My undying love and gratitude.
4. The dedication in my first novel, currently in the very-rough-outline-slash-manuscript-but-still-barely-thought-up form of about 150 sheets of legal paper, 250 index cards and about one Gigabyte of computer space.
5. Baby-sitting services. I'm good, I'm helping in running a minor summer camp this week, and no one's gotten sunburned or had to go to the hospital yet.
6. Tax services! I did it for extra money in grad school, and though two of the people whose returns I prepared were audited (yes, randomly selected), BOTH of their auditors actually said I did a great job and no one's headed down the Wesley Snipes/Richard from Survivor/Willie Nelson route.
7. If you need me to help you move, I will.
8. If you need me to help you move a body, I will.
9. A big hug.

Anyone? I don't think I know one person anymore other than Cara who has survived the airline layoffs, so I'm figuring this is a waste, but worth a shot and at least entertaining to the masses. On a side note, that was the AWESOME part of living in Atlanta - you could ALWAYS find people who worked in the airlines. Lynchburg...it's a little more scarce with these sorts of things. Darn it!

By the way - I don't care what airline. You can put me on Donner Party Air's Uruguayan Rugby Team flight for all I care, as long as the airline can get me to Philadelphia from any airport near me. I'd be okay on that flight because I'm not particularly marbled, and therefore not very flavorful. If I'm on a buddy pass, I can afford to pay my parents/whoever to take me to Charlotte if that's the only airport whatever airline around me flies out of.

Yes, Cara, I still love you.