I only get FIVE?!?

My friend Drena asked what her friends' Celebrity Top Five Lists were the other day, which I found to be a little amusing considering the fact that I had always heard of these lists in a different context - that a married or committed couple agrees that if either one of them should ever have the opportunity to sleep with a person on their list, the partner has to forgive, and in fact, encourage the encounter. It was also funny considering that she's pregnant, and I was imagining these hormones running through her body making her pick five male - and five female - celebrities to sleep with in a fantasy world. Who knows, though - Drena always does everything she sets her mind to, so we may find a few celebrities in her guest bedroom from time to time. I kid!

Okay, so here's my top five.

1. Paul Walker.

I noticed him in "the Skulls"...a preppy little blonde boy rowing on a crew team? Oh yummy.

2. David Beckham.

Pure, unadulterated MAN. He could hug me and I'd probably get pregnant, that's how masculine he is. He plays soccer, loves his kids, isn't afraid to be a little different, and seems to be a genuine nice person.

3. Tom Brady.

I saw him from a distance once in Boston and I seriously might have peed my pants if he got any closer. And he's dating one of the most beautiful women in the world. I don't like the whole "dumped Bridget Moynahan about five seconds before she found out she was pregnant" thing, but hey, it doesn't make him any less beautiful. He is just gorgeous.

4. Chris Martin (lead singer of Coldplay)


Yes, Mr Gwyneth Paltrow himself. I normally go for the very preppy type - the frat-boy look: I know there is absolutely nothing sexier on a man than seersucker. But something about musicians pulls me back to the bad side every now and then. Guitar players? Nah. Overdone. But the PIANO...attention good-looking men: if you play a piano while wearing seersucker, you might want to get a preemptive restraining order from a crazed blonde girl - I will be unable to stop myself. I saw Coldplay in concert once and Chris Martin wore a black t-shirt and jeans - both old, faded and worn. Something about it just hit that creative-genius-and-devastatingly-sexy chord with me. Watch the video for "The Scientist", then watch "Fix You" - if you aren't attracted to this man after the stare at the camera in "The Scientist" and the sprint into the concert, the swing of the lightbulb into the audience and living in the music about halfway through Fix You, there might be something wrong with you. When Mav and I went to see them on the tour for X&Y, they closed with "Fix You" in the same way (lightbulb and everything, it's kind of a metaphor), and Mav just turned to me and goes "holy crap - that was so awesome, I'd really f**k him myself right now." This, coming from the straightest man I've ever met.
Even more attractive? Read the lyrics and then know that he wrote "Fix You" about his pledge to help his wife through depression after the death of her father.

5. Jude Law.

Jude Law belongs in a museum, he's that perfectly sculpted. When I was in figure drawing in college, I hated doing ones of men because women's bodies and faces are inherently easier to draw - they have natural curves that are intuitive to the artist's hand that I just can not explain. The human eye finds female bodies and faces inherently attractive - yes, of all shapes, sizes and kinds - but you get a male up there and you just...laugh. It's honestly and truly a chemical response. But Jude Law...he defies this. He has a perfect, symmetrical and angular face that I would honestly use as an evidence that God is an artist, and in fact, for the very existence of God - there's just no way that Jude Law just EVOLVED. He was CRAFTED.

It literally took me about four weeks to perfect this, and every time I tried to substitute another in, I didn't want to give up any of the above five for the substitute. Notice a pattern? Yeah, I do too. I don't think I've ever had one characteristic be common among every guy I've dated, but at the end of the day, the boys I reeeeeally go gaga for - as evidenced by my top five - are the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, slightly clean-cut types, and I seem to have something for English men. Call it a result of being a WASP, I don't know. I do know that my Dad had blonde hair in his wedding picture with my mom, and we're all natural blondes in my family (of varying shades), and I know that when I think of beautiful babies, I picture blonde hair and blue eyes, so it may be instinctual. I guess we are attracted to that which we find familiar.

Honorable Mentions:
-Robert Redford. Even now.
-John F. Kennedy Jr. (but alive). Stunning specimen of a man.
-Nate Berkus (but straight).
-Matthew McConaughey
-Sam Waterston - just his voice. He narrated Abraham Lincoln's letters in the Civil War documentary on PBS and it scares me that I found the whole thing incredibly sexy.
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