Resolutions...

My facebook status said that I am "not making any resolutions, I'm already perfect" until yesterday or so, and yes, that was a joke. I'm not THAT self-centered. Close, but not quite.

Anyway.

I've been debating whether or not to make any resolutions this year. I've been succesful at some in the past, and others, not so much. But in the same way that 2008 was a tumultuous year (to put it lightly), 2008 was certainly a really great year for me internally.

In 2008, I:
-Kept the weight off. I've always gone up and down in weight, and I kept it off this year.
-Didn't accrue any additional debt.
-Cut out toxic relationships from my life. Bigger than you think.
-Listened to myself about 400% more than I had in any year past.
-Listened to what others' opinions were of me about 400% LESS than I had in any year past.
-Stood up for myself when it counted.
-Stood up for others when it counted.
-Moved to a new city because I was ready for a change. Not for a boy, not for a job, but for my own happiness.
-Allowed myself to be imperfect and allowed others to see the imperfect self.
-Realized that no matter how perfect I was, there were certain people that would never and will never change.
-Painted miles and miles of canvas and paper.
-Sold three times the art that I did in 2007.
-Completed and launched my website.
-Broke up with someone not because of a fight or an incident, but for the simple reason that he wasn't allowed to treat me the way he did.
-Met someone who treats me better than anyone else ever has.
-Moved in with my cousin and bestest friend.
-Finished about three times the number of books that I did in 2007.

Sounds like a great list, but hey, I've still got work to do...2008 was also the year I:
-Made less money than I ever have in my life.
-Literally quit talking to several people in my life that most people wouldn't consider.
-Faced the manifestation of physical anxiety that had built up over the course of 28 years.
-Stopped being friends with one of my best friends.
-Nearly had to hock my jewelry to pay a medical bill.
-Got my portfolio torn apart by not one, not two, but three reviewers.
-Broke my elbow. Again.
-Spent a better part of two months feeling like no city wanted me.
-Had to face reality and take a corporate job. As a temp.

The last one was the worst, I'll admit. There is absolutely nothing like feeling like you're a failure at something that you actually consider yourself better at than any other activity. It's embarrassing, it's humiliating, it's not fun, and it STILL makes me want to cry when I read it. But welcome to our new freaking economy.

Though all that stuff happened, though, I still think that I learned to like myself WAY more than any other year. Seriously. Don't know how to explain it, but I was way happier in 2008 than I ever was in 2007 or even 2006, when I thought myself blissfully happy. 2007 still ranks as the worst year of my life - I'd literally rather go through my parents' divorce all over again than to go through 2007 again. 2008, however, I'd take. But I'm most happy with 2009, and I'm excited to get on with it.

So, what am I resolving, then? Well, not much, actually. As a matter of fact, I am purposefully making every single part of my resolutions something that I actually have FUN doing. I don't have fun working out or eating healthy or saving money for that matter, so I'm shoving those back into the goals part of my life.

My resolutions:
-Learn to play the guitar. I'm horrible at it so far, but I'm learning.
-Paint more.
-Read more books.
-Get outside more.
-Travel more.
-Spend more time with those that I love.

And that's it. There's no defined goals, no accountability, and no way of telling if I ever get them all done. Don't like it? Kiss it. It's all you're getting.