I'm a survivor

I put this on facebook, but yes, I survived a layoff. Sort of.

I've survived a few, and I've been canned by two in my working career. Yesterday, I came into work and was told that we were losing a member of our team. Since I'm a temp, I assumed I would not be far behind, but it turned quite differently. I am now taking over a lot of the displaced employee's duties and trying to keep up with the projects I've started over the course of my employment.

This is both good and bad.

Good:

I still have a job. For now. In this economy, I can't really turn down an honest paycheck. Since leaving Philadelphia, I've been shocked as to the level of drop-off in the art market. As art is, by definition, something that no one really needs and few people want, I knew certain things would grind to a halt - galleries lose funding, discretionary spending amongst corporations stops, and parents opt for keeping a roof over their children's heads rather than getting portraits commissioned. That was expected. However, I wasn't expecting certain things: my old art broker opted for early retirement rather than sinking another year into his office space lease. A few of my clients called and said that while they understood that their deposits were lost, they could not afford to pay the remaining balance on their already-completed works. The price of paint, shipping and framing has skyrocketed. Stuff like that. I've talked to a few of them and went ahead and just gave some of my clients their portraits - I needed the space in my house - and most of those have promised to send the money whenever they can but can't even afford to frame it and hang it. C'est la vie. So a corporate gig, while not particularly my first, second or thirtieth choice of profession, had to be done.

I don't mind the work. I like that I'm busy every day, and I like that I'm allowed to "run with" ideas. This company tends to err on the side of efficiency rather than excess paperwork and procedure, and the people are all very nice. I have worked in HORRIBLE jobs, and this isn't even in the top 50% of them. If I lacked the talent to draw or paint, I suppose I would stay in this type of work for my entire career and be somewhat thankful. I can also work from home when I need to, which is a God-send.

It's convenient. I am less than 5 minutes away from my job, and I can see my building from my house. I can walk to work if I need to. And parking is only $6 a day. Before you scoff at that, remember - I paid $6 a day to ride THE TRAIN to work in Philly. Parking was $14 a day. My parking here is across the street and right behind the police station - I don't have to worry about my car getting broken into.

But there's also the bad:

I have no time for my "real" career. I've been trying to fit it in where I could, but I've been working such long hours that I can't even think about doing anything other than sleeping when I get home. I miss it. Every so often I think of something I'd like to paint, and I get this sinking "Jeez, when am I EVER going to get the time for that?" feeling.

I have no time for a LOT of stuff. My friends here invited me to come and have beers with them two days this week at a new restaurant that is owned and run by a girl that I grew up with. It's literally around the corner from me, but I didn't even get the message til after they had left - both nights - because I was working til late on a project.

The time factor is only going to get worse. I got a LOT of duties from the girl who was laid off. My head already hurts thinking about it. I know that it's hard to absorb the work of another person, but my team is already stretched thin. The stuff that has fallen through the cracks of late may be due to things that need to be fixed, but a lot of it is falling through the cracks, in my opinion, because there's just not enough time in the day. I was hired as a temp to ease that backlog - I'm scared of what happens when it just starts piling up again.

It's just not fair. And I say this as the person who benefitted from this unfairness. The girl that was laid off took it all in stride, but I know I'd have been throwing fits if they kept a temp and let me go. Granted, with a temp, they don't have to pay for benefits, etc, but I feel bad for her. It's also just painful for morale in any company when people are getting laid off. Morale in this economy went out the window a long time ago, however.

I'm still a temp. My insurance expires for good on March 31, 2009. I have no plan for what happens then, other than the reliable "don't get sick." I have a mole on my arm that's beginning to freak me out, a prescription that needs refilling every month, and none of that is going to get fixed if I'm an hourly employee. Even on an individual plan, I'm not allowed to file any claims for that stuff for six months. I have no retirement plan, no FSA, and no promise that I will have work next week if they decide to cut me. Even with a layoff as a permanent employee, I'd get severance and COBRA. I can't get any of that.

So there I am. I survived, but it's not exactly a joyous occasion. I was driving to work yesterday and heard a really great quote from an economist on NPR...

This recession will end. All recessions, by definition, have to come to an end. Things will get better. But when you're in the thick of one, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.