Don't you know that I'm toxic?

I apologize for paraphrasing a Britney-at-the-beginning-of-her-insanity song, but I was trying to think of a clever title for the fact that I'm now convinced that I'm carrying around toxic stuff. Maybe it's my gullibility, maybe it's the fact that I fell asleep during the Kinoki Foot Pads commercial, or maybe it's the fact that for the past month, vegetables have been unknown to me and I haven't eaten one piece of chicken that wasn't frozen and shaped like a star. Whatever. I just know that my body isn't loving its current state. I'm tired all of the time, I crave sugar nonstop, I hate the way I look, and I haven't had nearly the energy levels I've had in recent years. Don't worry - I know that I'm not, in any sense of the words, fat or overweight. I just eat crap. There's no "sickness" in the true sense of the word; I had an MRI last October, so I know I don't have some softball-sized tumor lurking in me, I'm just - for lack of a better word - unhealthy.

So what's a skinnyfat kid to do?

I'm thinking of going on a toxic cleanse. I don't think I can handle spicy lemonade for 14 days straight like Beyonce did - while she can do whatever method works for her, I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm just trying to feel better, start craving the good foods, cut back on the caffeine, sugar and alcohol, and get the body working like it should.

Anyone ever tried one of these things? Have any advice? I have a Whole Foods, a SuperFresh, and about four farmers' markets within a half-mile of me (I'm really going to miss that about Philly!) so I know I can find the foods I'm supposed to eat. I still have a few obstacles though, and I'd love to know what I can do to combat them.

1. I take medication that has a reaction with Vitamin C, or more specifically, Ascorbic Acid. It doesn't do anything harmful, but it decreases the effectiveness of the medication, and I really need that stuff to work. So I can't really be tearing into things like citrus fruit, pineapple and the like. Not to mention I always get canker sores from them. Sorry to be dodgy about what the meds are, but I gotta keep a few things in this world off the internet.

2. I am not a huge fan of vegetables. I want to be, I really do. But I'll never be able to eat broccoli or sweet potatoes without a gag reflex. I DO like the following: asparagus, green beans, spinach, raw carrots (not cooked), lettuce (I know, no nutritional value, but it's green), tomatoes, and a couple other randoms. I like just about any fruit, but I'm not crazy about pears.

3. I can't cook. Okay, I CAN, I just don't LIKE to. And my microwave is broken. I need some way to find convenient, healthy foods, even when I'm sick to death of fresh fruit.

4. I really want to eat organically, local and CHEAP. My grandmother has had health problems most of my life that she often attributes to things like artificial flavors/colorings, pesticides and other toxic things in food, and I don't want to end up having to be super-careful and hermit-like as she's been forced to do in recent years. I already encounter toxic chemicals with painting that are literally banned in several states - I'm not taking any more chances. As for the "eating local" part, I just kind of want to do it because I think it's the right thing to do. It saves fuel (transporting tomatoes from Chile in January consumes a lot of fuel) and over time in the aggregate, it reduces farmers' dependence on subsidies as well as lowers the cost of food.

5. While I'm on the "better for the world" trip, I'd like to eat meat-free every once in a while - but I don't want to miss it. I had a high school teacher tell us once about why he was a vegetarian, and it had nothing to do with animal rights. The United States produces the lion's share of the world's grain crop, and in fact, the amount of grain we produce is enough to feed the world. That's right, we could eliminate hunger. But instead of consuming a pound of grain, we feed that pound - plus thousands more - to a cow or chicken that provides us with far fewer pounds of meat. While I love meat, I don't think I absolutely need to be that selfish at every meal. I'm thinking that so much meat isn't really good for us anyway, so if you know of ways I can eat meat-free and still get my protein, holla.

6. I love coffee, sugar, fat and all that jazz. How in the WORLD can I give it up for a couple weeks without hating my life?

7. Finally, I need to know WHY it's benefitting my body. I'm not going to be one of those people that denies common sense - I mean, twinkies haven't ever killed anyone directly, but I'm smart enough to know that they're not gonna make me a dancing granny. But I think half our problem in the whole obesity epidemic has been the fact that we don't look at the science behind things we take as gospel - low-fat, low-carb, grapefruit diets are my prime examples.

Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Am I completely stupid for trying one of these things? Anyone done one before? Have a recommendation for a particular plan or type of cleanse? I'd love to know what to expect.

***Edit: No, I am not talking of those "colon cleanse" things you see on the internet. I poo just fine, I eat yogurt and everything. I'm talking about the whole-body thing. Actually I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I'm not talking about the cleanse where you go from the train not leaving the station to a Richter-Scale-worthy rumbling tummy.****

Update...

I'm at my Dad's lake house this week for a couple of days. So far, it's been a lot of fun, but a lot of work. My sister (she's 14) has about 8 friends up here with her, and I'm kind of pitching in and helping out my dad and his fiancee with the ins and outs of making sure 9 kids are fed, in bed, and not drowning. It's harder than you think.

This, along with a few other experiences of late, have convinced me that I DO, in fact, have a maternal bone in my body, which is a relief. I was a little afraid before that I wouldn't have that fear of kids getting hurt; a fear that translates into the covering of sockets, the avoiding feeding them too much sugar, and the remembering to order kids to put on life jackets and seatbelts. So there you go - I do, in fact, have some sort of maternal instinct. My uterus will just be blissfully unaware of it until I am good and ready to feel exhausted for the rest of my life.

I was a little skeptical of the whole idea at first. I was a lifeguard briefly when I was younger, as well as a swimming instructor, so I know that kids, by and large, will always take risks; risks that are inherently terrifying when it comes to water. Kids will always take risks like this in groups that they would never consider when alone or with one other kid. Moreover, I'm haunted by the story of a guy from my hometown who recently broke his neck when he jumped into a body of water that had, unbeknownst to him, been affected by drought - he dove into a foot and a half of water from a significant height. Hearing that heartbreaking story, along with countless others from the lake and from my days in insurance, yeah, I was a little worried. Luckily, the edge of our dock is a good 20 foot depth, and even better, these kids are appropriately cautious, but it's still a little nerve-wracking to see them jumping off heights and running on the dock.

But so far, it's been a good experience. They're all well-behaved, and save for their love of loud karaoke, they're enjoyable kids. The only injury has been when I had to dig a splinter out of a girl named Shelby's foot. I didn't think she'd get it if I started the Steel Magnolias monologue where Sally Field goes "Open your eyes, Shelby. Open your eyes..." when Julia Roberts is in the hospital bed. I'm even getting to bed on time so that I'll wake up early and go running (I'm trying, Meghan), so I'm on a roll here.

But at any rate.

I'm also discovering the things I'm NOT necessarily so crazy about in Lynchburg. Well, one in particular. Lynchburg is a fairly large city (about 100,000 people, which is bigger than Athens, actually), and its a beautiful area, surrounded by mountains, lakes and just general prettiness. But it's out in the middle of nowhere.

Actually, no. It's on the FAR side of nowhere. You first have to drive THROUGH the middle of nowhere in order to get to Lynchburg.

This isn't SO bad, but if you're trying to get OUT - without a car - you're a little stuck. I've got to go back to Philly next week some time, and I've been researching options. My best (read: cheapest) option at this point is to actually FLY out. However, since Lynchburg's airport is approximately the size of a silver dollar, I had to click "include surrounding airports". I also gave a big old window of when I could fly out so I'd save a little coin. I was thinking they'd point me to Roanoke or Charlottesville (both an hour away in different directions), or even possibly to Greensboro, North Carolina, which is an hour and a half away. My parents might be able to swing me down that way and not have it eat up a tank of gas and/or their whole day. Since my mom is generously taking Colonel Mustard for a couple of weeks while I wrap some stuff up and start packing in Philly, I figured I could easily get myself a cheap ticket and go home with ease.

What's my options?
Roanoke: $609.
Charlottesville: $792.
Greensboro: $898.

And my last? $109.
SCORE. I was all about to book it, and then I noticed - my nearest major airport that they consider "surrounding"? Charlotte. THREE HOURS AWAY.

I didn't book it.

I thought for a while, and while I'd love to go back to Charlotte, maybe wear out my welcome with the Holbrooks a little, and then get on my cheap flight to go back to Philly, it's like darn near impossible without a car. My parents actually work for a living, so taking three hours to drive me down and then three hours to drive themselves home is a pain in the keester, not to mention a big old chunk of change for gas, for which I simply don't have the money to reimburse them.

So it's back to the drawing board.

I love drawing, but not THIS.

Facebook has changed the face of dating...

While I was at Meghan's this week, she noticed that my date and I set almost the entire thing up via text message, followed up finally by a short phone call to get the game plan together. She was a little shocked, and I realized that she had gotten married and left the dating world precisely when text messaging was beginning to take off. She never had to deal with dating with technology - outside of a phone call and a rare email. It occurred to me that technology has completely changed the way we date/mate/marry/interact.

This may seem ancient, but when I left for college, Caller ID was the wave of the future. We were only 20 years or so beyond answering machines, for crying out loud. When I moved into Creswell Hall, we had no access to Caller ID. Sophomore year, however, it all changed. Suddenly EVERYONE had Caller ID. I only bring this up because the traditional girl-stalks-boy methods were suddenly impossible. Have you called a boy multiple times and hung up when no one answered since Caller ID came into fashion? Nope. Now we have to leave a message. Do we call just to see if a female or male voice answers? Nope. We can't even act like we're calling the "wrong number" anymore. Prank calling is a thing of the past.

Dating really has changed since then. Think back - what was the relationship of the past?

1. Boy meets girl.
2. Boy calls girl, asks her out for coffee/dinner/drinks/whatever.
3. Plans are made, possibly confirmed, then boy shows up to pick her up at 8.
4. Boy drops girl off at her place after the date, says "I'll call you".
5. He calls her.
6. More of the same - talking/dating/sleeping together/engaged/married/babies.

It's all a simple process. However, in this modern day, the chain of communication has grown to a flow chart describing a process, rivaled in its complexity only by the Democratic National Committee's process for selecting a Presidential candidate.

1. Boy meets Girl.
2. Boy Facebooks girl.
3. Girl and Boy look at the friends of each other, trying to get a better idea of the crowd they run amongst.
4. Boy sends Girl a Friend Request.
5. Girl accepts Friend Request after a predetermined waiting period. If the Friend Request is accepted immediately, it may appear that she's "always on Facebook". This is essential, because Girl needs to keep the "I'm so rarely on Facebook" card in her pocket.
6. Girl looks boy up on Myspace. If he's a private page, she searches her own friends for friends of his, whereupon she will ask said mutual friend to let her see Boy's page. She does not Friend him on Myspace.
7. Boy Facebook IM's Girl.
8. Boy and Girl make sure their status messages do not make them look too available or too unavailable while they chat for a few weeks on Facebook.
9. Boy sends Girl an IM through AIM. This is huge. It's the new engagement ring.
10. Girl comments on Boy's Facebook Wall. For those of you who don't know, it's the human female equivalent of pissing on a fire hydrant. If he's talking to other girls, this may start a chain of Wall Comments that follow.
11. Boy sends Girl a forward he receives in regular old e-mail. Another huge step.
12. One drunken night, Girl text messages Boy. Boy responds the next day.
13. Text messaging has now replaced Facebook, AIM and Myspace, they might as well be living together - only they've NEVER been on a date. Finally, Boy asks Girl to meet up with him while he is out with others. He has forced his brahs to go out simply to appear as if they had already planned the outing, when Boy has actually orchestrated it simply to meet Girl in person.
14. They meet up. Shenanigans happen.
15. Boy finally calls Girl.
16. They become Myspace friends, despite the fact that both of them "never really use this anymore".
17. They date for a while, and Girl "notices" that Boy's status on his Myspace/Facebook says "single". She gets upset, even though she's noticed this since she met him. After the "define the relationship" talk, boy changes the status a short time later, silently praying that his brahs don't notice.
16. More of the same - talking/dating/sleeping together/engaged/married/babies.

All of this - and I repeat ALL of this - can happen in an odd order of things. I think I've had entire relationships purely through text message. I know people that have gotten dumped via text message. I know people who figured out that they were no longer dating only when they discovered that the person they were dating was "in a relationship" on Facebook...with someone else.

I don't mind text messaging, and actually, its both an icebreaker and a lifesaver for me sometimes. I didn't think twice when my date in Charlotte texted me.

That being said, sometimes I miss the good old days of communication. Dating seemed a whole lot easier.

Embarrassing is my middle name.

I've asked some friends before to tell me their most embarrassing moments and have come to a few conclusions. First, I think they're lying and won't tell me their REAL most embarrassing moment. Second, I have more embarrassing moments on a daily basis than most of my friends will ever have in their entire lives. I don't mind, things usually roll off my back and I have an enormous ability to laugh at myself. Honestly, I figure that if something stupid I've done gives someone the reason to laugh when they haven't done so all day - well then, yeah, I'll be the martyr and make an ass of myself.

Today, I made an ass of myself.

I went to a doctor's appointment in the morning (both to get an antibiotic for this massive-amounts-of-multicolored-snot-producing bug that I can't seem rid of and to talk about smoking cessation, which I'll tell about later), and instead of going home afterward, I decided to run some errands and just enjoy some sunshine. As I'm walking back to my place, I notice someone bent over, unlocking their bicycle from where it was chained to a parking meter. I recognize the make and model of the bike, the hairstyle, and even the jeans of its owner - my friend Steve, who lives in Center City. Seeing as how Steve and I usually greet each other with a similar gesture, I run up behind him and lay the hardest smack on his ass that I can generate, shouting "HEY good-looking, YO ASS looks FIIIIINE in them jeans!". He turns around.

It is not Steve.

That "want to just die" feeling? If I had been murdered right there, I'd have thanked the gunman. I almost threw up, honestly. NotSteve looks at me like I have just eaten his unborn child - he looks physically and mentally HURT. I turn 50,000 shades of red, and I truly believe I may have had a full-on niacin flush.

"Ohmygod iamsosorry I thought you were my friend, I swear, he has that exact bike and everything, I am so so so so sorry."

And then I notice that NotSteve's GIRLFRIEND is standing a mere three feet away. She looks like she's going to be that murderer that I am ready to thank for killing me. I apologize for another hour and a half or so, and all NotSteve says is "its okay, you just scared me, and that HURT." Girlfriend is staring me down and I'm fairly certain she might stab me with the keys she is holding. I explain that my friend looks JUST like him from behind, he lives in the area, and that he has a similar bike and the same jeans. No one's buying it.

Finally, adding insult to injury, NotSteve says...

"Wait, I know you, didn't you date XYZ (name deleted because he's an asshole) for a long time?"

Oh God.

More people are going to find out.

I am so happy that I am leaving the city tomorrow. Because I'm seriously considering inquiring into admission into the Witness Protection Program.

Where the HELL are you, Molly?

I know, I disappeared for a couple of days.

Here's possible reasons for the above, framed in a game...three of the possible reasons are false. One is true. Can you figure out which one is the truth?

1. I was kidnapped by human traffickers. However, when the economy took a hit on even the world's oldest profession, my kidnappers decided to make it a good old-fashioned ransom situation and demanded $1 million from my parents. Taking a cue from O. Henry's "The Ransom of Red Chief", my parents gave them a couple of days and said "We'll tell you what: on Monday, send her back with a case of unmarked $20 bills totalling $1 million, and we'll call it even." I'm back, and my parents are headed to the Cayman Islands to hide their cash.

2. I hit the big time and my entire collection of paintings and drawings was bought by the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

3. I went to the Loony Bin, which has been classified in code-talk as "Happy Camp, Trip One".

4. I really had nothing to write about. My life is boring most days.

101 Goals in 1001 Days...

I'd love to say I just found this idea online, but I'll admit, I totally was stalking someone through a social networking site. I saw the list they had made of similar goals, which came from this site. If you're reading this and this looks familiar, S, thanks, and I'm sorry I kinda stalked your blog. I'll blogroll you if you see this, but I figured I'd err on the side of letting you have your privacy.

So, 101 goals. 1001 days. I don't even know what day 1001 days from now is, but I'll be 30 years old. I'd love to see anyone else's goals - and if you could be of any help in any of these, please let me know, I'd be happy to return the favor!

Taking the lead from the GRS site, I've categorized these.

Health & Fitness
1. abstain from smoking cigarettes for 365 days in a row.
2. complete a marathon
3. Eat exclusively organic for two weeks in a row.
4. Drink only water for one month.
5. See the dentist and have a clean bill of health twice in one year’s time.
6Do the neti-pot every day for six months straight.
7. Floss every day for one year.
8. Ride a bike 500 miles in one month.
9. Meditate every day for one year.
10. abstain from the tanning bed for 365 days in a row.
11. Get my eyes checked and obtain correct glasses and/or contacts
12. Work out every day for 60 days straight.
13. Do three chin-ups or pull-ups without assistance.


Home & Garden
14. Sell my old Insurance Books.
15. Find out if the microwave is fixable, If it is, fix it.
16. Refinish my wooden antique furniture.
17. Repaint every room in whatever house I live in.
18. Eliminate every “catch-all” junk drawer, basket, folder, bin and box in my house.
19. Plant and raise a garden, even if it’s a window garden.
20. sell my old clothes in the basement to consignment



Financial
21. Turn a profit in art and writing.
22. Pay my dues to my sorority for two years straight.
23. Donate 10% of one year’s income.
24. Pay every bill on time for one year.
25. Get my credit to where I COULD qualify for a home loan.
26. Balance my checkbook on the computer every week for two years.
27. Do my own taxes correctly, but have them double-checked professionally.
28. Save $1000 and don’t touch it until the end of the 1001 days.
29. Become 100% financially independent.
30. Buy one horrendously expensive purse with money that I have earned through art & writing after all that month’s bills are paid.


Personal
31. Get my grandmother’s story on paper.
32. Buy a Wii.
33. Learn to knit and finish one item.
34. Make a quilt.
35. Create and sew an outfit on my own.
36. Make something out of www.bitchyinthecity.com with Celeste.
37. Plant a tree
38. Walk into my favorite stylist and allow them to do ANYTHING they want to my hair.
39. Get on Jeopardy.
40. Design and make a gingerbread house.
41. Make every Christmas present I give without giving presents that suck or leaving anyone out.
42. Take a class on something I know little to nothing about.
43. Write down my life story.
44. Have a tasteful nude photograph taken while I like my body.
45. Train Colonel Mustard to walk off the leash without fear of him running into traffic
46. Meet Dolly Parton.

Self Improvement
47. Donate a day of time to a charity
48. Learn to write HTML & CSS code.
49. Recycle everything possible for three months straight.
50. Use non-disposable bags 50 times instead of plastic or paper.
51. Create ten recipes on my own.
52. Clean out my computer clutter and back everything up outside of the Time Capsule.
53. Give a wedding gift in the appropriate gift-giving window.
54. Learn to speak a foreign language.
55. Stop using a computer for one week straight (the work is still possible, just requires some forethought!)
56. Make a list of five things I am grateful for every day for a year.

Adventure
57. Take a day trip to New York by myself.
58. Hike a mountain.
59. Drive across the country.
60. See Paris, France.
61. Go to a foreign country by myself.
62. Go on a girls’ vacation.

Family
63. Have an argument with a family member without crying.
64. Send birthday cards to every brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, grandparent, close friend and child of the above for one year.
65. Send my mother on a vacation to Greece.
66. Scan pictures of our childhood onto a disk for my mother, father, brothers and sisters.
67. Take all of my brothers and sisters to lunch at the same time.
68. Mow my mother’s lawn for free.

Entertainment
69. See all Oscar-winning movies for best picture.
70. Read the Bible, cover to cover.
71. Complete scrapbook of Italy and Greece trip
72. Go to a movie by myself.
73. Read 100 best book of all time

Professional
74. Update my art resume.
75. Copyright my existing work
76. Create a sculpture.
77. Write a business plan.
78. Create and print postcards and business cards.
79. Do creative sparks every day for a year.
80. Complete an Egg Tempera portrait.
81. Teach someone to draw.
82. Open an Etsy shop.
83. Create a mixed-media piece.
84. Take a figure drawing & critique class.
85. Complete series on quitting your job to do what you love.
86. Complete a self-portrait in oil.
87. Take a watercolor class.
88. Phase out crappy art supplies.
89. 50,000 RSS subscribers.
90. Publish something in a magazine.
91. Publish something in book form.
92. Sell a painting with no commission and no discount.
93. Organize and run a one-woman show.
94. Organize blog for effectiveness – put art on art, etc.
95. Start a business.
96. Print and frame a collection of 30 black and white photographs
97. complete and publish my website
98. Create 75 paintings of fine art – no commissions, no portraits.
99. Write a novel
100. Have my portfolio reviewed by a non-related professional whose opinion I value.
101. Meet every professional deadline for one year.

Tired, but not cranky anymore.

I'm better now.

Promise.

A clean environment makes a clear mind

After a weekend of cleaning and organizing, I attempted to get back to work while getting the last of the stuff on my list done. Procrastination is not an easy habit to break, I tell you.

I'm working on a couple of pieces that I need to finish before I even think about leaving Philly. It's kind of a tough thing - I know I'm going to still have work up here when I leave, and with gas having jumped 15 cents in the past week with no end in sight, I guess I'm going to be eating a lot of expenses when I'm gone. It's amazing how much you expense when you're working for someone else, but when you're working for yourself, you'll do anything to avoid spending what little money you've got "invested." I put that into quotes because in reality, I'm investing everything I make back into further work. Anyway, I started a couple of things that I'm hoping to get done within the next couple of days so that I can get it off my mind at the very least.

I have a gift card with an art supplies website that I have avoided spending for quite some time. First of all, I usually need art supplies the EXACT day I buy them - I run out to buy something when I discover I'm out of it. With pastels running at $5 a stick, oils upwards of $50 a tube, and paper at $2 a sheet, it adds up...especially when I feel like I waste a lot of materials on stuff that will never see the light of day. Second of all, the website in which I have the gift card is a bit more expensive - leading to a bit of a pickle. Do I spend the giftcard on stuff that I KNOW I could get cheaper locally? Or do I save it for a time when I might find a deal with them? I have no idea.

Aaaaannd now I feel like I'm rambling about nothing. I think I'm in a funk. SOMEone, get me out of it. I need some good news.

Creative Spark: Color

Get a box of crayons and a coloring book page.
Fill every space in with the "wrong" color.

Memorial Day

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day. Everyone's doing cookouts, the beach, the lake, or in my case, cleaning the house, and I hope you all had fun.

That being said, please take a minute and remember the REAL reason behind Memorial Day. It's not to kick off summer, it's not for a furniture sale, it's not a reason to buy a lot of beer or rent a shore house, it's to remember the men and women who have given their lives in service for their country. I don't care what your ideas are about this war, the state of our country, or our President - the reality is that there are a lot of people who have gone out and done what most of us don't have the courage to do, losing their lives in the process.

Take some time out of your day to do something to honor them.

Eliminating Procrastination...still 24ish hours left in this holiday weekend.

I'm still working on it. I took my friend Drena's advice and tackled the biggest task first.

Little did I know that many of the others required work at the same time. So it is with cleaning a house.

-Winter clothes are now in the basement. I hate my sweaters now.
-The Laundry Monster has been slain. This is bigger than you think.
-The kitchen, living room and downstairs are clean.
-The bedroom is in the process of being de-cluttered.

Other than that, I haven't really had any time to do any of the other tasks. Actually, I'm lying. I watched about ten episodes of Law & Order SVU. I downloaded and organized some tutorial stuff for Dreamweaver.

I still have 24 hours left in my holiday weekend. Let's pray for the best.

Creative Spark: Let me count the ways...part 2.

Take out the list you made yesterday and look at the final tally. Make a blank list with the same number of items.

Fill in the list with positive attributes of the person you like the LEAST.

Resist the urge to quit.

Creative Spark: Let me count the ways...

Take a legal pad and list the attributes person you like most in the world. Aim for getting the number of items as high as possible. Put it in a safe place for tomorrow.

What I'm doing on my summer Staycation...

I'm at Starbucks, where I came to get some "work" done. All I'm accomplishing is consuming my 7th cup of coffee and people-watching, but whatever. I am NOT going to the shore, home or out for the weekend, I'm having a Stay-cation. Staying in and getting stuff DONE.

I'm struggling with time management lately. I've always been a procrastinator. Not because I couldn't figure out how to do things, or because I took on too much, but simply because it was possible for me to procrastinate and still succeed. My evidence?

-I never did homework in high school. EVER. I'm not kidding. I was smart enough that I didn't have to do it. The closest I ever came was when I was driving to school every morning - I gave two guys in my neighborhood a ride to school every day, and one of them would sit in the back and call out questions while I gave him the answers. If it didn't require handwriting, he filled out my paper too. If it did, he gave me his paper in homeroom, and I copied it back in my own handwriting during Channel One. Ahhh, Channel One. It was the BEST.
-College? Rarely did it there either. My dad told me the secret to college - which I should have ignored, given the fact that he failed out of Virginia Tech once - was to just GO to class. Even if you didn't take notes, you learned something. At the end of the semester, if you were smart enough, you could basically wing it and at least get a C. I graduated with a 3.75, and I'd consider myself to be a "coaster"...I put it off and did all my work at the end of the semester, cramming like you wouldn't believe.
-Grad school? Yeah, a little different, but it was group work. I had a GREAT group of friends there - we all took the same classes, we always picked each other for groups, and we knew that each of us had strengths. I could put together written materials at 3 am, and I could pick up a presentation and wing it without ever practicing. Celeste was AMAZING at numbers (I seriously am going to hire her to run my business at some point), Kevin was a research guy who actually knew what those databases in the library were, Andrade was great with technology, and John...well, John was just pretty to look at. He kept me sane because I just always wanted to make out with him.
-The corporate world...well, that's the tough one. I was in the wrong profession anyway, and I got scared I'd make mistakes that could feasibly cost millions of dollars.


Now I still procrastinate. I'm scared sometimes that my boss in the site I write for is one day going to say "Molly, it's called DEADLINES. KEEP THEM" or just fire me. Portraits are usually finished at the very.last.moment (just ask my friend Meghan) and I've literally had to send work off to a show on the last possible day to get it postmarked - still wet. I've rarely packed for a trip anything except the day I leave, and I'm famous for finishing my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve - in the last store open.

So I want to change. I'm trying the ever-present "To Do" list, but I'm making this one public. I want to get these things done this weekend...I will let you know what I get done. If I don't get it done, please come up to Philly and beat me over the head.

1. Get my winter clothes downstairs in storage.
2. Put summer clothes upstairs.
3. Clean the kitchen, living room and bathroom - top to bottom.
4. Assemble stretcher frames.
5. Write my assignment for the other website I write for - an essay on "I have never been more drunk than that night..."
6. Call my grandmother.
7. Get my friend April a baby gift - any suggestions?
8. RSVP for April's shower (Ha! maybe it will bring may flowers? Kidding, she's due in late June)
9. Clean out the fridge.
10. Start cleaning out the studio.
11. Get a list of stuff I'm going to sell before moving - anyone want a big-screen?
12. Find the $20 I got out of the ATM the other day.
13. Do some SERIOUS work on this business plan I'm working on.

That's about it. Seriously, don't let me be a slacker. I wish I could give myself an incentive, like a new something, but unless I find that money in item 12, I can't buy myself anything.

I do not want to be a procrastinator.

Art Feature - creative spark of the day.

I haven't had a lot of art postings lately, but I'm getting back to it.
My first step toward this is a daily "spark" to make you think creatively. Be it art, writing, music, whatever, hopefully it will get your mind going when you're staring at that blank canvas, paper or musical instrument. Even if you aren't an artist, it will help you think calmly and clearly throughout the day. I promise

Today's creative spark:

Pick a random picture from a magazine, flickr, or any other source. Don't look at any accompanying caption. Write down everything you see for five minutes. Write down everything about what you don't see for ten minutes. If there's people in the picture, who's taking the picture? What are the people thinking? What do they really want? How did they end up in this picture instead of another? If it doesn't have people in it, why not?

Pick your own, or I'll give you one to start.

Sites I end up on EVERY DAY. How did we ever exist without this?

My friend Drena asked what sites we visit most often, so here ya go. Marketers, a gift to you.

I have about a thousand other sites I visit once a week or so, but these are the heavy hitters...

1. Gmail.
Does this even count as a proper site? It's email. I think we assume that everyone checks their email. Except my mom. She gets on the computer, does the daily crossword, and forgets to check her email. WTF?

2. Facebook.
Actually, I do this more than myspace now. I've found that more people that I never friended on myspace friend me on facebook - people from middle school, people from all over.

3. Myspace.
I can't help it. And yes, I've myspace stalked just about every guy I've ever dated or made out with. And every time I've dated a guy, I've myspace-stalked every girl on their page. Shut up, you do it too.

4. AJC.com
I haven't lived in Atlanta in five years, but Boston and Philly's big journalism comes in papers that are read by people all over the world (the Globe and the Inquirer, respectively), kinda like a mini-New York Times. Like New York, you can get the Cliffs Notes version that's written for absolutely retarded people (the "commuter paper") through the Herald or the Daily News. Both city papers are usually owned by the same media company, and share staff and a website, which caters to the "smarter" paper. As a result, the websites are very news-driven and have very little fun stuff. The AJC is - sorry y'all - written at a lower reading level and has more fun and interesting stories. I'm sorry, I don't mean to imply that Atlanta readers are dumb, but since the Journal and Constitution merged into one daily paper, it's just got a weird hybrid of what they pick to run. They don't care that food tends to be the lead picture on every website opening page or that whole proper grammar and punctuation thing. Henry Grady may be rolling over in his grave and may want to snatch back my degree from his journalism school since I've just insulted his paper, but I think he'd actually agree with me upon reflection. So yes, I read the AJC's website still for little news stuff.


5. Bloomberg.com
Leftover from Graduate School. Sometimes I pick a random stock I think will do well based on their news and follow it for a couple weeks. I'm usually right, but the same as you should never trust a skinny chef, never trust a broke-ass artist for financial advice.

6. CNN.com
Less often than I used to. When I dated a guy who got deployed I finally had to get my friend to password protect it and block it on the TV. You'll drive yourself nuts if you're worried about someone.

7. Craigslist.com - Missed Connections.
Check them for your city and you'll start doing it every day. You'll learn some interesting things...things like the fact that there's about 10 billion people who are in love with a redhead clerk at the Whole Foods near me, there's a pervert on UPenn's campus, and hipsters all swear they don't read CL, but they do. Come to think of it, you'll learn a lot if you peruse ALL of your city's Craig's List for 45 min or so. Be sure to hit "best of Craig's List".

8. What Would Tyler Durden Do?, The Superficial, Go Fug Yourself, Project Rungay, Perez Hilton, etc...
I'm trying to wean myself of these. But sometimes I love me some celebrity gossip.

9. Wet Canvas.
It's mostly a forum for artists, leans toward the hobbyist side of it. I'm getting tired of it, actually, I'm probably taking it off my tabs.

10. RSS reader
Pulls the new stuff from lots of different blogs I enjoy into one source. When I've read it, it deletes it unless I ask it to save it. It really helps to cut down on time spent surfing.

11. Finally, my friends' stuff.

Twitter trivia answer and bonus related Delta Gamma trivia

I've been asked by a couple of random people about my recent twitter entry:

Trivia question: what's the connection between University of Georgia's fight song and mother's day? 06:59 PM May 11, 2008 from txt

Answer?

Julia Ward Howe is credited as being the first person to declare a "Mother's Day" in her Mother's Day Proclamation, written in 1870 as a form of protest against the violence of the Civil War that had resulted in thousands of mothers having lost their sons.

Howe also wrote the words to William Steffe's "Battle Hymn of The Republic", a popular song among both Union and Confederate supporters in the Civil War. Steffe's tune was later used for the University of Georgia's fight song, "Glory, Glory". Had it not been for Howe's words making the tune popular, Georgians might not have ever adopted it as their fight song.

Bonus form of trivia for Delta Gammas: When I lived in Boston, I helped the Boston University chapter out with rush (sorry y'all, I just can't call it recruitment, it sounds so...corporate), and one of their biggest Service for Sight activities was working for the Perkins School for the Blind - Helen Keller's alma mater - about 12 blocks from my old house. Perkins was founded by Julia Ward Howe's father and her children were instrumental in making service for the blind Delta Gamma's official philanthropy.

Yes, I know, my Service for Sight hours were sparse, at best. In retrospect, I wish I had done more stuff like that instead of insisting on graduating in exactly four years. Taking 18 hours and 2 independent studies my last semester was probably the dumbest mistake eeeeeevvvvverrrrrr.

Oprah is stupid when she says she "doesn't like surprises". They're GREAT.

I truly love a few things in this life. Crunchy Cheez-Doodles, brownies, Nicole Miller cocktail dresses, Paige jeans, Country Music and vintage leather jackets are high on the list.

What do I love MOST?

SURPRISES.

If I were an anthropologist I'd argue that the giving of presents - not the use of tools, mating for life, or feelings of love and sadness - is what really sets us as human beings apart from all other animals. Gorillas use tools, dogs can feel love, Canada geese mate for life, and chimpanzees can feel sadness. But humans? We give each other presents. I love getting, giving or even just watching people open presents. At Christmas, I drive myself crazy trying to find presents that delight their recipients upon being opened.

But it's not the element of being happy to receive something that one wants or needs that I like. It's the surprise. I drive myself crazy at Christmas because I want to find something that the person would have NEVER picked for themselves. I think it runs in the family - my uncle Rob (the only other lefty in my family), my cousin Jake and my grandmother all are known for giving crazy gifts that one stares strangely at upon opening - but those gifts turn out to be the greatest things ever. Jake gave his sister Kate got one of those milk crates that collapses and has wheels attached for Christmas one year. While she was a little confused when opening it, that girl has used that thing more often than you'd ever think. A couple of years ago, I gave my brother Parker a most unusual gift. It was a cast iron dog - but just the rear end. Meant as a garden decoration, sit it on the floor and you've got a great piece of art and a nice doorstopper. Parker loves weird stuff, but everyone else in the family was a little ticked off - because I didn't give it to THEM. My older brother got the same thing the next Christmas.

My love of surprises extends to the fact that I detest giving gift cards or cash. I love getting them, don't get me wrong, they WORK and I have bills to pay. But like a true Southerner, I consider it tacky for me to carry around a purse at my wedding, collecting wads of money. Where I come from, you get in line at that damn gift registry kiosk at Macy's like everyone else and look for the biggest item that costs the least amount of money. I have a monopoly on giving trifle bowls at this point. And by the way, I know I owe a few wedding gifts. I'm working on it.

But alas...I'm a January birthday, I'm not even dating anyone, let alone being close to engaged, and if I show up at the Babies-R-Us registry, call the Vatican, because it'll be an immaculate conception. Well, immaculate since a little while back, at least. Unless I go pull a Carrie Bradshaw and register at Manolo Blahnik for being single (which I'm tempted to do at times), I am not getting any gifts any time soon. I can buy myself presents, but that's not a surprise. Plus I really don't have the money to buy what I REALLY want and need.

What's a girl to do?

I found it.

The Something Store.

I am not kidding, and no one's paying me to write this. The concept is simple. You give them $10, and they send you something. You don't know what it is, but what they've been sending out looks to be worth more than $10. Since they want repeat business, I'm guessing they won't send you a dirty diaper or something, but something you might find useful.

So I ordered one this morning. Free shipping and everything.

I'll let you know when it comes. If I like it, I might give people somethings for Christmas.

Why didn't I think of this idea before they did?

Writing a blog is like potato chips: you can't stop at one.

I'm using this as my "catch-all" blog for a while. As you can tell, it's got Art, Writing, Dogs, Dating, Funny Stories, Dumb Stuff Molly Does, Stuff Molly Rants About, and all kinds of stuff. But as you may have noticed in the blogosphere, most successful blogs have a narrow focus. Since this is was started because I was bored, continued because my editor wanted to see a larger portfolio, and will primarily continue in the future to amuse my friends, I'm going to be branching out in several smaller blogs that can target specific audiences. My editor is weighing what I'm best in, both in writing style and attention-grabbing abilities.

What does this mean for you? Nothing, actually. I'm still doing this in the same manner. I'm just taking my drafts (I have 234 drafts on here that have never been published for various reasons) and building on them on a separate space.

What are the other blogs going to be about? That's up in the air. I'm a woman of many brain cells. I've been trying to be unique about it (the world does not need another blogger who thinks they're the Female Version of Tucker Max, nor another "independent-leaning" political commentator) and I'm trying to just not have the damn thing taken so seriously. Because really - if you're using my blog or any other as your sole source of news and/or opinion, I suggest you stop. Half of everything I say is with a heaping dose of sarcasm, and I have not yet found the article in the Little, Brown Handbook on how to properly denote sarcasm in the written word. Finally, I want to have things that I find inherently interesting. If I could write about stuff I find mundane and boring, I'd have pursued my initial Newspaper Journalism major a lot further than Freshman Year.

So here's what I'm coming up with - would you read any of these?
-In the Hall, with the Lead Pipe: Giving ole Colonel Mustard a voice. He's got a good point of view, and has only three goals in this world: get food, get snuggling, get walked. And he deals with my crap on a daily basis, which is more than I can say for most.
-Blog Boy, I am in love with you.: I have been surfing blogs and have developed insane crushes on a few boys that blog. Odd, because they're sort of celebrities, but not really. I would be willing to say that I find a new one every day. Thinking of offering a $100 reward if someone sets me up on a date with one of them.
-The Daily Crackhead: I have numerous crackheads outside my house in Philly. Their lives are shouted at 3 am for all to hear, and it's more entertaining than the Young and The Restless.
-Confessions of a Hypochondriac: WebMD is the worst thing ever invented. The Today Show tells me of a condition of which I am positive that I am a victim almost every day. My headaches, turned into brain tumors. Just about every day.
-Dear Reality Star: My commentary on dumb reality shows. Because really, Lauren Conrad, I know better. I just want to help you get your shit together.
-Craigs List Treasure of the Day: I love that site. It's endless entertainment.

I could go on and on, but I need to get to work on some paintings.

61,000 miles worth of adventure.

A big milestone for me today: My car is now officially mine.

I never had a car loan until I got this car, and quite honestly, I got talked OUT of paying it off. I don't have credit cards, I don't borrow money, and I hate loans. Quite honestly, I feel like my granddaddy did about money: If you can finance it, you can't afford it.

That being said, my 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo is for sale. I'm getting something and paying for it in cash, actually downsizing in cars. Probably another Jeep Wrangler.

It feels like the passing of an era. When I bought this car, I was leaving Atlanta to move to Boston. I was positive I was going to marry my now-ex-boyfriend, I had short hair, and I was getting ready to get a job in sales. Fast forward 45 payments, I'm living in Philly, getting ready to move to Lynchburg, have long hair and am working in art.

Go figure.