Update...

I'm at my Dad's lake house this week for a couple of days. So far, it's been a lot of fun, but a lot of work. My sister (she's 14) has about 8 friends up here with her, and I'm kind of pitching in and helping out my dad and his fiancee with the ins and outs of making sure 9 kids are fed, in bed, and not drowning. It's harder than you think.

This, along with a few other experiences of late, have convinced me that I DO, in fact, have a maternal bone in my body, which is a relief. I was a little afraid before that I wouldn't have that fear of kids getting hurt; a fear that translates into the covering of sockets, the avoiding feeding them too much sugar, and the remembering to order kids to put on life jackets and seatbelts. So there you go - I do, in fact, have some sort of maternal instinct. My uterus will just be blissfully unaware of it until I am good and ready to feel exhausted for the rest of my life.

I was a little skeptical of the whole idea at first. I was a lifeguard briefly when I was younger, as well as a swimming instructor, so I know that kids, by and large, will always take risks; risks that are inherently terrifying when it comes to water. Kids will always take risks like this in groups that they would never consider when alone or with one other kid. Moreover, I'm haunted by the story of a guy from my hometown who recently broke his neck when he jumped into a body of water that had, unbeknownst to him, been affected by drought - he dove into a foot and a half of water from a significant height. Hearing that heartbreaking story, along with countless others from the lake and from my days in insurance, yeah, I was a little worried. Luckily, the edge of our dock is a good 20 foot depth, and even better, these kids are appropriately cautious, but it's still a little nerve-wracking to see them jumping off heights and running on the dock.

But so far, it's been a good experience. They're all well-behaved, and save for their love of loud karaoke, they're enjoyable kids. The only injury has been when I had to dig a splinter out of a girl named Shelby's foot. I didn't think she'd get it if I started the Steel Magnolias monologue where Sally Field goes "Open your eyes, Shelby. Open your eyes..." when Julia Roberts is in the hospital bed. I'm even getting to bed on time so that I'll wake up early and go running (I'm trying, Meghan), so I'm on a roll here.

But at any rate.

I'm also discovering the things I'm NOT necessarily so crazy about in Lynchburg. Well, one in particular. Lynchburg is a fairly large city (about 100,000 people, which is bigger than Athens, actually), and its a beautiful area, surrounded by mountains, lakes and just general prettiness. But it's out in the middle of nowhere.

Actually, no. It's on the FAR side of nowhere. You first have to drive THROUGH the middle of nowhere in order to get to Lynchburg.

This isn't SO bad, but if you're trying to get OUT - without a car - you're a little stuck. I've got to go back to Philly next week some time, and I've been researching options. My best (read: cheapest) option at this point is to actually FLY out. However, since Lynchburg's airport is approximately the size of a silver dollar, I had to click "include surrounding airports". I also gave a big old window of when I could fly out so I'd save a little coin. I was thinking they'd point me to Roanoke or Charlottesville (both an hour away in different directions), or even possibly to Greensboro, North Carolina, which is an hour and a half away. My parents might be able to swing me down that way and not have it eat up a tank of gas and/or their whole day. Since my mom is generously taking Colonel Mustard for a couple of weeks while I wrap some stuff up and start packing in Philly, I figured I could easily get myself a cheap ticket and go home with ease.

What's my options?
Roanoke: $609.
Charlottesville: $792.
Greensboro: $898.

And my last? $109.
SCORE. I was all about to book it, and then I noticed - my nearest major airport that they consider "surrounding"? Charlotte. THREE HOURS AWAY.

I didn't book it.

I thought for a while, and while I'd love to go back to Charlotte, maybe wear out my welcome with the Holbrooks a little, and then get on my cheap flight to go back to Philly, it's like darn near impossible without a car. My parents actually work for a living, so taking three hours to drive me down and then three hours to drive themselves home is a pain in the keester, not to mention a big old chunk of change for gas, for which I simply don't have the money to reimburse them.

So it's back to the drawing board.

I love drawing, but not THIS.

I HATE YOU SONY AND BEST BUY.

I am so mad at Sony, Best Buy and Target, I could just SPIT.

A year ago, I bought a digital camera at the Sony outlet, which I was very excited about. When I got it home, my roommate and I realized that we had the same model, which was good for her - she could not find her charger. A few weeks ago, I went to go home for a few days and looked high and low and could not locate the charger. When I asked her about it, she said she had not seen it. She had just gone to Florida and I don't know if she took pictures there (meaning A charger had to have been used), but I figure whatever - if she has mine and thinks it's hers now, there's no way we'd ever resolve that, so I kept looking for the missing charger - only to still be unable to locate it after a complete and thorough cleaning of the house. I go back home a couple of days ago and resolve to finding a new charger.

First stop is Best Buy. While I DETEST Best Buy - it is, in fact, the WORST-named store in the history of retail. A more accurate name might be Most Expensive Buy And Shittiest Return Policy Ever, but I'm guessing that wouldn't fit neatly on the logo. I ask the pimply-faced kid for "a charger for this battery" and hold up the camera battery. He shows me the ONLY one in the store - SIXTY DOLLARS. Seriously, the camera only cost a hundred, WITH a charger and battery (a new battery is $50).

me: "are you kidding? That's ridiculous."

Best Bobby: "well, that's the only option."

me: "I am NOT paying $60 for that. Have a nice day."

Second Stop: Radio Shack. Batteries, but no charger.

Third Stop: Target. I walk to the electronics counter and ask the SAME question. The Red Shirt treats me a little like Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy from SNL. As if I know nothing about batteries or a camera. He's just a JERK.

me: "do you have a charger for this?"

Target Tommy: "NO, WE DON'T CARRY THEM. You have to order them." (apparently he gets this question a lot)

me: "where the HELL am I supposed to get them?"

Target Tommy: "from Sony. It's PROPRIETARY, that means that others can't..."

me: "thank you, I'm smarter than you think, I know EXACTLY what proprietary means. I just need the charger TODAY and don't have time to order one."

Target Tommy: "You have to get the charger AND batteries through Sony directly."

me: "Well, you're wrong, because Best Buy has a charger and a battery, they just cost $60 each."

Target Tommy: "well ma'am you should have bought them there."

No shit, Sherlock.

Stop Three: Best Buy again. The charger is sold out. The battery is $50. I finally figure a strategy: buy a NEW camera, borrow the charger for a couple hours, then take the whole thing back the next day. I ask Best Bobby what their return policy is on the camera.

Best Bobby: "14 days with receipt and a 15% restocking fee."

me: "FIFTEEN PERCENT? Can you waive it and I'll put it back on the damn shelf? Because that's all there is."

Best Bobby: "no, there's a LOT more involved with restocking."

Sure, like taking consumers for a ride, jerk. I'm never shopping there again.

Stop Four: Wal-Mart.
No charger, battery in stock. I ask to see the camera on display and find out that they're sold out of all the models with my battery type.

I bought the battery. I don't even care at this point that I'm doing it, but I'm going to use the battery, bring it back and say "it doesn't work." Sure, it doesn't work, it's dead after I've used it. My theory is that Sony's going to reimburse Wal-Mart for it. Because they should. I can't find ONE charger in this STATE for this camera, and I have to order it online instead. All a ploy in my mind for Sony to have me get desperate like I was, buy a battery at $50, then go online and buy a charger.

I need the charger now, but I do know that my cousin has an extra that she's going to give me when I get back to Philly.

Take that, Sony.
And I am STILL never shopping at Best Buy again. Target, I have to, and that was just one jerk in the store, not the company as a whole.

I ain't sending y'all any of my pants.

Pardon me, but the idea that one pair of pants can fit Ugly Betty, the Gossip Girl, The Gilmore Girl and the other chick is the dumbest fucking concept for a movie I have ever heard of in my entire life.

Yes. Funk's still here. I'm working on it, sorry. I've brought in reinforcements: a box of Franzia and Breakfast at Tiffany's. If that doesn't work, give me a damn Xanax.

I know, I'm a pain. I'm a pain in my own ass right now.

I'm still working.

I'm posting more tomorrow (I had to get some work done with that whole art career thing tonight) but I'll post my needs-some-editing-down blog tomorrow when I'm finished with it.

It was a beautiful day.
To my editor: suck it.

It WAS really nice, so I had to say that it was a beautiful day. And I'm posting a big old RANT tomorrow...its about people who bitch about not being able to change a certain thing about themselves and then resort to every excuse in the book, including saying that people like me who actually worked their ass off to change that part of themselves "just have it easier".

Here's a rant - ever notice how these days, you can rarely have an unseasonably warm day without some sort of jackass commenting about how it's due to Global Warming?

It makes me want to go out to Delaware, find my SUV and drive it around for a while, doing stupid errands that I could have done in half the time on foot. Then I want to run around and leave every light on in my house.

It's okay, though. I'm greener than that.