Facebook has changed the face of dating...

While I was at Meghan's this week, she noticed that my date and I set almost the entire thing up via text message, followed up finally by a short phone call to get the game plan together. She was a little shocked, and I realized that she had gotten married and left the dating world precisely when text messaging was beginning to take off. She never had to deal with dating with technology - outside of a phone call and a rare email. It occurred to me that technology has completely changed the way we date/mate/marry/interact.

This may seem ancient, but when I left for college, Caller ID was the wave of the future. We were only 20 years or so beyond answering machines, for crying out loud. When I moved into Creswell Hall, we had no access to Caller ID. Sophomore year, however, it all changed. Suddenly EVERYONE had Caller ID. I only bring this up because the traditional girl-stalks-boy methods were suddenly impossible. Have you called a boy multiple times and hung up when no one answered since Caller ID came into fashion? Nope. Now we have to leave a message. Do we call just to see if a female or male voice answers? Nope. We can't even act like we're calling the "wrong number" anymore. Prank calling is a thing of the past.

Dating really has changed since then. Think back - what was the relationship of the past?

1. Boy meets girl.
2. Boy calls girl, asks her out for coffee/dinner/drinks/whatever.
3. Plans are made, possibly confirmed, then boy shows up to pick her up at 8.
4. Boy drops girl off at her place after the date, says "I'll call you".
5. He calls her.
6. More of the same - talking/dating/sleeping together/engaged/married/babies.

It's all a simple process. However, in this modern day, the chain of communication has grown to a flow chart describing a process, rivaled in its complexity only by the Democratic National Committee's process for selecting a Presidential candidate.

1. Boy meets Girl.
2. Boy Facebooks girl.
3. Girl and Boy look at the friends of each other, trying to get a better idea of the crowd they run amongst.
4. Boy sends Girl a Friend Request.
5. Girl accepts Friend Request after a predetermined waiting period. If the Friend Request is accepted immediately, it may appear that she's "always on Facebook". This is essential, because Girl needs to keep the "I'm so rarely on Facebook" card in her pocket.
6. Girl looks boy up on Myspace. If he's a private page, she searches her own friends for friends of his, whereupon she will ask said mutual friend to let her see Boy's page. She does not Friend him on Myspace.
7. Boy Facebook IM's Girl.
8. Boy and Girl make sure their status messages do not make them look too available or too unavailable while they chat for a few weeks on Facebook.
9. Boy sends Girl an IM through AIM. This is huge. It's the new engagement ring.
10. Girl comments on Boy's Facebook Wall. For those of you who don't know, it's the human female equivalent of pissing on a fire hydrant. If he's talking to other girls, this may start a chain of Wall Comments that follow.
11. Boy sends Girl a forward he receives in regular old e-mail. Another huge step.
12. One drunken night, Girl text messages Boy. Boy responds the next day.
13. Text messaging has now replaced Facebook, AIM and Myspace, they might as well be living together - only they've NEVER been on a date. Finally, Boy asks Girl to meet up with him while he is out with others. He has forced his brahs to go out simply to appear as if they had already planned the outing, when Boy has actually orchestrated it simply to meet Girl in person.
14. They meet up. Shenanigans happen.
15. Boy finally calls Girl.
16. They become Myspace friends, despite the fact that both of them "never really use this anymore".
17. They date for a while, and Girl "notices" that Boy's status on his Myspace/Facebook says "single". She gets upset, even though she's noticed this since she met him. After the "define the relationship" talk, boy changes the status a short time later, silently praying that his brahs don't notice.
16. More of the same - talking/dating/sleeping together/engaged/married/babies.

All of this - and I repeat ALL of this - can happen in an odd order of things. I think I've had entire relationships purely through text message. I know people that have gotten dumped via text message. I know people who figured out that they were no longer dating only when they discovered that the person they were dating was "in a relationship" on Facebook...with someone else.

I don't mind text messaging, and actually, its both an icebreaker and a lifesaver for me sometimes. I didn't think twice when my date in Charlotte texted me.

That being said, sometimes I miss the good old days of communication. Dating seemed a whole lot easier.

Charlotte, NC: 60 hours, 3 margarita pitchers, one playdate and one REAL date.

I'm back in Virginia now after going to Charlotte for a few days, where I saw the lovely Holbrook Family. Had a great time, which I'll attempt to elaborate on here (sorry, my blackberry barely got out during the trip). I got there Sunday night, drank some wine with Meghan and chatted for a few bajillion hours, and we tried to turn in early. We went running Monday morning with her neighbor and friend, and I could not make it as far as they did, with about 200 yards left, I promptly...threw up. It happens when I run in heat - without fail. Yes, it was hot, we ran at 6:30 am and it was already at least 90 degrees in the shade. So we took the kids after breakfast and clean-up to the Air Conditioned field trip - the mall. We had lunch at Nordstrom Cafe, then went home for quiet time. Played after quiet time, played some more, ate dinner, played some more, and Matt got them bathed when he got home. At this point, we decided to fix Mollyritas and Meghanritas. With no MAJOR meltdowns (that I could detect), we clinked glasses "to bedtime"...Meghan went upstairs while they were mixing and read to and tucked in the kids. While I was downstairs cleaning up (I always feel like bedtime goes smoother with fewer out-of-routine things happening, so I let mom and dad do their thing around bedtime), I realized:

Kids are effing EXHAUSTING.

I said the same thing to both of them after they came back down: I don't know how you do it. Yes, they're great kids, are very cute, very fun to play with, very entertaining, and all that fun stuff, but seriously, you have to watch every second of everything they're doing. I knew this already - I mean really, I've babysat since I was old enough to pick a child up and our family is still bigger than Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt's little group home, so I got lots of experience - but I suddenly remembered things like the fact that you've got to pee with the door open, that naptime is just as important for Mom as it is for kids, and that there is nothing faster than a toddler going towards danger when adult backs are turned. While I was cleaning up every night, all I could think was this: it was EASIER than the normal routine - we could divide up the labor with me there helping Meghan - and they have to get up and do this AGAIN. EVERY DAY. I love kids and would love to have them, and I know that it's different when they're your own, but I'm always amazed at the world's most effective method of birth control - kids.

So Monday was all kids day, and Tuesday was looking to be the same - Caroline had a friend come over for a playdate, Meghan and the playdate-Mom and I chatted while we kept six eyes on three kids, alternating man-on-man play with a pure Zone Defense style of supervising. I got the feeling like playdates are also just as much for Mom as it is for the kids. We all had a lot of fun (pretend hot-dog party!) and the playdate left shortly before lunch. I thought we'd end up repeating the same sort of routine as Monday, but...

Molly got a dose of the single life again.

Meghan had said over the past year or so that she wanted to set me up with Matt's friend from college, and we had sort of "met" over facebook already. He called Meghan's house and came by right before quiet time, and he and I went out to lunch. Had some Mexican food, chatted, checked on his car that was in the shop (he had a rental) and he dropped me back off at the Holbrooks' a few hours later. We made some plans to do something later that night, and after the kids ate some chicken nuggets for dinner, he came back, picked me up, and we went out for a light dinner. A good time was had by all (well, I can't speak for him, but I had fun), and I went back to Matt and Meghan's house after we had some beers at the pub and got some sleep.

I left reeeeally early this morning to go back to Lynchburg, (I didn't want my departure to mess up their morning routine and I had no idea what traffic would be like), took the wrong turn FOUR times because of a lack of sleep (I kept driving South instead of North - Freudian slip?), turned my rental car back in, got into my mom's house and PROMPTLY passed out.

I had a great time all in all, and I'll post some pics as soon as I can locate a cord. I was really surprised at what a nice city Charlotte is, I was sort of reminded of Atlanta, ten years ago. We'll have to do it again soon, maybe the Atlanta peeps can drive three hours north and I can drive three hours south? Don't worry, Meghan, we'll go hotel rooms instead of you having to put us up.

I still have no idea how they do it...my back is still killing me from picking up a three-year-old and a surprisingly heavy one-year-old.

Off to find Advil.

I HATE YOU SONY AND BEST BUY.

I am so mad at Sony, Best Buy and Target, I could just SPIT.

A year ago, I bought a digital camera at the Sony outlet, which I was very excited about. When I got it home, my roommate and I realized that we had the same model, which was good for her - she could not find her charger. A few weeks ago, I went to go home for a few days and looked high and low and could not locate the charger. When I asked her about it, she said she had not seen it. She had just gone to Florida and I don't know if she took pictures there (meaning A charger had to have been used), but I figure whatever - if she has mine and thinks it's hers now, there's no way we'd ever resolve that, so I kept looking for the missing charger - only to still be unable to locate it after a complete and thorough cleaning of the house. I go back home a couple of days ago and resolve to finding a new charger.

First stop is Best Buy. While I DETEST Best Buy - it is, in fact, the WORST-named store in the history of retail. A more accurate name might be Most Expensive Buy And Shittiest Return Policy Ever, but I'm guessing that wouldn't fit neatly on the logo. I ask the pimply-faced kid for "a charger for this battery" and hold up the camera battery. He shows me the ONLY one in the store - SIXTY DOLLARS. Seriously, the camera only cost a hundred, WITH a charger and battery (a new battery is $50).

me: "are you kidding? That's ridiculous."

Best Bobby: "well, that's the only option."

me: "I am NOT paying $60 for that. Have a nice day."

Second Stop: Radio Shack. Batteries, but no charger.

Third Stop: Target. I walk to the electronics counter and ask the SAME question. The Red Shirt treats me a little like Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy from SNL. As if I know nothing about batteries or a camera. He's just a JERK.

me: "do you have a charger for this?"

Target Tommy: "NO, WE DON'T CARRY THEM. You have to order them." (apparently he gets this question a lot)

me: "where the HELL am I supposed to get them?"

Target Tommy: "from Sony. It's PROPRIETARY, that means that others can't..."

me: "thank you, I'm smarter than you think, I know EXACTLY what proprietary means. I just need the charger TODAY and don't have time to order one."

Target Tommy: "You have to get the charger AND batteries through Sony directly."

me: "Well, you're wrong, because Best Buy has a charger and a battery, they just cost $60 each."

Target Tommy: "well ma'am you should have bought them there."

No shit, Sherlock.

Stop Three: Best Buy again. The charger is sold out. The battery is $50. I finally figure a strategy: buy a NEW camera, borrow the charger for a couple hours, then take the whole thing back the next day. I ask Best Bobby what their return policy is on the camera.

Best Bobby: "14 days with receipt and a 15% restocking fee."

me: "FIFTEEN PERCENT? Can you waive it and I'll put it back on the damn shelf? Because that's all there is."

Best Bobby: "no, there's a LOT more involved with restocking."

Sure, like taking consumers for a ride, jerk. I'm never shopping there again.

Stop Four: Wal-Mart.
No charger, battery in stock. I ask to see the camera on display and find out that they're sold out of all the models with my battery type.

I bought the battery. I don't even care at this point that I'm doing it, but I'm going to use the battery, bring it back and say "it doesn't work." Sure, it doesn't work, it's dead after I've used it. My theory is that Sony's going to reimburse Wal-Mart for it. Because they should. I can't find ONE charger in this STATE for this camera, and I have to order it online instead. All a ploy in my mind for Sony to have me get desperate like I was, buy a battery at $50, then go online and buy a charger.

I need the charger now, but I do know that my cousin has an extra that she's going to give me when I get back to Philly.

Take that, Sony.
And I am STILL never shopping at Best Buy again. Target, I have to, and that was just one jerk in the store, not the company as a whole.

Using drugs to quit smoking...

As I've said before, I'm quitting smoking.

For real this time.

Like I said in my previous post, I KNOW I need to quit. I've tried before, and I'll admit, I wasn't ready. I think I'm ready this time, I genuinely want to be a NON-smoker, soon. That being said, I'm a hare, not a tortoise. I like fast results, fast. I skipped a year of high school, graduated from college in exactly four years, and got my masters in less than 18 months. I rarely write at more than one sitting, and I am queen of the microwave. I don't like to wait for ANYTHING. The problem simply lays within the fact that I need to consider this an endurance thing, not a sprint.

GRRRRRRRRR....

When I had my physical last year, my doctor refrained from scolding me about smoking, saying I knew the dangers, but that when I was ready, to come back and see her to talk about a plan. If anyone out there is a doctor, I highly recommend this approach - I mean really, we all know the dangers, and I think that one of the reasons lung cancer gets diagnosed so late in the game is that patients are sick of hearing their doctor yell at them about smoking.

So today, I went in and talked to her. She asked what I had thought about, and I said I had considered the patch but was concerned about the fact that it wasn't really attacking the desire to smoke so much as giving me a nicotine replacement - like trading heroin for methadone. I had tried the cold turkey method, but honestly, doing an activity every time I want a cigarette would mean that I'm running, crocheting, or whatever I'm replacing it with ALL DAY LONG for a solid two weeks. When you quit, the reality is that it's ALL you're thinking about for a while. She asked me if I wanted to try one of the prescriptions available, and I quickly said I would NOT go on Chantix - while I've heard that it works, I've also had one friend in particular tell me that it can lead to REALLY bad, depressing, suicidal thoughts as a side effect. Seriously, it even says this on the website:

You should know that some patients have reported changes in behavior, agitation, depressed mood, suicidal thoughts or actions when attempting to quit smoking while taking CHANTIX or after stopping CHANTIX. If you, your family or caregiver notice agitation, depressed mood, or changes in behavior that are not typical for you, or if you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, stop taking CHANTIX and call your doctor right away.

Wow. Yeah, we've got enough mental problems in my family anyway, I don't need to add one to the list.

So we came to Zyban. I was a little apprehensive since I don't want anything to interact with any medication I'm already on, but after the doctor AND the pharmacist assured that I'm okay, I'm starting the medicine tomorrow. I have to start it BEFORE my quit date (July 4th!), so by then, I will have wanted to smoke much less already. No, I know that I can't depend entirely on the medicine and that it'll be hard, but it's better than anything and has a higher success rate than what I've tried already.

We'll see, I'll keep you posted.

PS: As for Chantix's warning - wouldn't anyone who is quitting smoking have agitation, anxiety and the like anyway? Yeah, definitely not trying that one.

Embarrassing is my middle name.

I've asked some friends before to tell me their most embarrassing moments and have come to a few conclusions. First, I think they're lying and won't tell me their REAL most embarrassing moment. Second, I have more embarrassing moments on a daily basis than most of my friends will ever have in their entire lives. I don't mind, things usually roll off my back and I have an enormous ability to laugh at myself. Honestly, I figure that if something stupid I've done gives someone the reason to laugh when they haven't done so all day - well then, yeah, I'll be the martyr and make an ass of myself.

Today, I made an ass of myself.

I went to a doctor's appointment in the morning (both to get an antibiotic for this massive-amounts-of-multicolored-snot-producing bug that I can't seem rid of and to talk about smoking cessation, which I'll tell about later), and instead of going home afterward, I decided to run some errands and just enjoy some sunshine. As I'm walking back to my place, I notice someone bent over, unlocking their bicycle from where it was chained to a parking meter. I recognize the make and model of the bike, the hairstyle, and even the jeans of its owner - my friend Steve, who lives in Center City. Seeing as how Steve and I usually greet each other with a similar gesture, I run up behind him and lay the hardest smack on his ass that I can generate, shouting "HEY good-looking, YO ASS looks FIIIIINE in them jeans!". He turns around.

It is not Steve.

That "want to just die" feeling? If I had been murdered right there, I'd have thanked the gunman. I almost threw up, honestly. NotSteve looks at me like I have just eaten his unborn child - he looks physically and mentally HURT. I turn 50,000 shades of red, and I truly believe I may have had a full-on niacin flush.

"Ohmygod iamsosorry I thought you were my friend, I swear, he has that exact bike and everything, I am so so so so sorry."

And then I notice that NotSteve's GIRLFRIEND is standing a mere three feet away. She looks like she's going to be that murderer that I am ready to thank for killing me. I apologize for another hour and a half or so, and all NotSteve says is "its okay, you just scared me, and that HURT." Girlfriend is staring me down and I'm fairly certain she might stab me with the keys she is holding. I explain that my friend looks JUST like him from behind, he lives in the area, and that he has a similar bike and the same jeans. No one's buying it.

Finally, adding insult to injury, NotSteve says...

"Wait, I know you, didn't you date XYZ (name deleted because he's an asshole) for a long time?"

Oh God.

More people are going to find out.

I am so happy that I am leaving the city tomorrow. Because I'm seriously considering inquiring into admission into the Witness Protection Program.

Where the HELL are you, Molly?

I know, I disappeared for a couple of days.

Here's possible reasons for the above, framed in a game...three of the possible reasons are false. One is true. Can you figure out which one is the truth?

1. I was kidnapped by human traffickers. However, when the economy took a hit on even the world's oldest profession, my kidnappers decided to make it a good old-fashioned ransom situation and demanded $1 million from my parents. Taking a cue from O. Henry's "The Ransom of Red Chief", my parents gave them a couple of days and said "We'll tell you what: on Monday, send her back with a case of unmarked $20 bills totalling $1 million, and we'll call it even." I'm back, and my parents are headed to the Cayman Islands to hide their cash.

2. I hit the big time and my entire collection of paintings and drawings was bought by the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

3. I went to the Loony Bin, which has been classified in code-talk as "Happy Camp, Trip One".

4. I really had nothing to write about. My life is boring most days.

Fair Warning!

I'm getting ready to go to bed and quite frankly don't have the time nor energy to write anything more than this, but I should get this one thing out: in the next couple of days, I'm going to write about Sex and the City: The Movie. I went to see it tonight, and yes, I'm a baby, and I cried through the last hour of it. I cry at stuff. Anyway, there might be some spoilers. So if you see ANY title with "Sex and the City", "Carrie Bradshaw", "movies" or WHATEVER in the title and I happen to NOT BLATANTLY warn you of spoilers, here's your warning: I might spoil parts of it. I'm sorry, I don't know what parts were in the press or not before the movie was released.

That being said, I leave you with the best line in the entire movie, which every fan of SATC - at least the ones who know the original intent of it - will stand up and cheer about:

"Why is it that we're able to write our own vows...but never our own rules?"

Amen, sister. Thank you for getting back to the Carrie that changed the world.